Starting FET Prep & Whoops!!!

Ugh!  (smacking forehead)  I thought for sure I wrote down my protocol for our last DE IVF cycle.  But I have scoured the history for 2 days now and I can not find it anywhere.  Stupid!  Stupid!  Stupid!  Why oh why did I not write it down.  I'm usually pretty OCD about all of this stuff.  

So here's the complication...

No one can remember when I took the prednisone.  Actually no one can remember me taking the prednisone at all!  Except me of course.  I know I took it because I felt like super man on it.  I know we talked about it with all the Dr's because of my Hashimoto, but no one can remember who prescribed it or when during the cycle I took it.  

I think I took it at the same time as the antibiotics.  But I'm not 100% sure!  For some reason I have a feeling I took it after the transfer too, but that doesn't seem right.  Does it???  AyAyAyAy!

Anyway...To avoid this happening again.  I am posting my protocol right now!

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FET #1 (an only from DE IVF #3)

Estrace 2mg 3x daily (orally) for the first 2 weeks

Estrace 2mg 3x daily (vaginally) to continue throughout

Prednisone to start Oct 9, 5mg once daily for 14 days

Dexamethasone to start Oct 16, once a day for 7 days

PIO to start on Oct 17...1 cc...(I'll have to double check on that)  

Thaw and hopeful Transfer Oct 23.

Start POAS craziness Oct 30...

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If there are any tweaks or adjustments to my protocol, be sure I will post!  

So as you can see there is no lupron!  I'm a little nervous about this.  My body seemed to wake up a bit since I had Lola.  However, the last 3 months I seem to be sliding back into peri-menopause.  So I am currently on my first month of HRT.  I'm feeling okay...I guess...  I've been getting bad headaches and my back is really bugging me the last 2 days.  Kind of like my period is coming.  But I thought the HRT was supposed to regulate me a little better?  I thought I could expect it on Sept 25, so my first u/s and b/w are already booked for Sept 26.  

So I guess it seems this cycle is going to be like every other cycle JD and I have ever done.  A guessing game right up until the end!  Will she get her period...dum..dum..dum...will her lining grown...dum..dum..dum..will she ovulate through the estrace...dum..dum..dum..will frostie thaw and thrive...DUM...DUM...DUM...

Stay Tuned...!

Much Love!

ks

Fellow Blogger...AngelWingsBaby!

I don't know why but I can rarely get into your blog.  It is only showing me your title.  I saw your post from today on my IPhone but I hate typing on that thing so i planned to send you a message but I can't get into it?!? 

Regarding doing an FET (embryo transfer) with only estrace.  That is the only way I have done all of my transfers.  Since I have ovarian failure, I do not produce any follies (just cysts) and I need the estrace to attempt to build a lining.  My Dr's do suppress me though just in case my body decides to try to ovulate.  Then I take estrace (vaginally) up to 4 mg three times daily until I have a good lining, then start the progesterone 5 days prior to transfer.   And whammo!  Pregnant until proven otherwise!  :)

I sincerely hope that your clinic is able to pull up their socks and get your transfer finished off with some great success.   I hope you see this post and I hope it helps you feel more at ease.  Wishing you all the very best!

Much Love!

ks

We're Leaving on a Jet Plane!

Houston we have lift off!  Ultra sound was okay...  I didn't think so, but what do I know!  We got the message 8pm on Saturday night.  We leave bright and early Wednesday morning, transfer Thursday (my SIL's Birthday), and fly home on Friday.  Short, sweet and hopefully to the point!

My lining wasn't as thick as last time.  Mind you I lost a couple of days because of migraines and being sick.  I broke down on 3 occasions throughout this cycle and took some Ad.vil...  Ohhh the horror!  (sarcastic)  I also had a cyst on my cervix, which seemed a little odd to me.  But for the last 2 u/s I've gone to a different clinic, and I think their tech is a little bit over the top on her measurements.  My money is that if I had let Victoria do my u/s; my lining would have measured 8 not 7.9, and I wouldn't know about a tiny cyst on my cervix.

Whatever!  We are going that's all that matters.  We did our PIO injection (2cc) this morning.  I will take my prednisone this afternoon with lunch.  And tomorrow we start our antibiotics.  We decided to do our PIO's in the am this time, as we seem to have trouble doing them at the same time every night.  And with flying home thru the evening, I would be really late getting my shot.  So we've decided on 6:30 am every morning.  I'm up at 5:30 every morning anyway to take my thyroid meds, so what's a shot in the arse as well!?!

I did all the laundry yesterday.  We are going to pack tonight.  We work a half day tomorrow, then we have JD's mom up to go over the doggies feeding routine and the t.v.  And hopefully to bed very early as we have to leave our house at about 4 am.  It takes us an hour to get to the airport, and with all the security issues lately we want to be there the 'suggested' 3 hours early as we are flying to another country.

Onto how am I feeling......  Well....  I'm okay....  Nervous...  Anxious...  Scared...  I'm afraid to get excited.  What if they don't thaw..?  You know what?  Scratch that...  I'm not going to think about anything, I'm just going on a little trip and we'll see what transpires.  I'm really looking forward to Wednesday's dinner out.  And the room service cheese burger is awesome!   Hopefully I can get the new Bvul.gari perfume while we are at the Duty Free.  It hasn't been released yet in North America...  Even though I'm not going to drive myself nuts thinking and analyzing everything, I am going to say my prayers and hope for the very best outcome.   Wish me luck ladies!

Rambling...

I really have nothing too thoughtful or insightful to post.  I am feeling better.  I still have this nasty cough, but it will pass.  I'm having some frustration at work lately.  We've had to let go another employee.  It wasn't working out.  Sorry no... they just weren't working!  We let it go on past the Holidays because the employee seemed to be having some emotional difficulties, but there is only so long you can pay someone to sit on their ass and make your job harder.    Enough was enough.  Not really the best timing considering we are travelling out of country in less than 3 weeks for our FET, but whatever!  I'm not stressing.  We have put our lives on hold way too many times for our business and this year  making a baby comes first. 

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I've just amped up my estrace for the 3rd time.  I seem to have no side effects from it.  I don't have another u/s check until next Saturday.  Which kind of drives me nuts.  I'd really like to know we are on the right track.  I hate not having a lining check for 2 weeks.  What is it about ttc that it's always a 2 week wait for everything.  Even if you are lucky enough to get pregnant you still have to wait 2 more weeks to see if there is a heartbeat, and how many beans there are...  Arrrrggghhh!  I really wish I could just bury my head in the sand and come out the other side. 

I haven't done anything to prepare the back up plans as of yet.  I haven't followed up with SG.  I haven't rang my clinic to get them moving on Cre.Ate either.  I keep putting it off.  At first I said I would wait until the holidays were over.  Now I'm thinking I'll wait until after the FET.  I don't know....  Is it stupid to arrange consults when you are going for an FET?  Is it bad karma?  Does it put a negative feel towards this FET?  Because that is the last thing I want. 

My main concern is that everything takes so long to get rolling in a donor cycle.  If we still haven't decided who we are cycling with, we are looking at at least an extra 2 month delay before a cycle discussion is even brought to the table.  Which means it could be another 1/2 year until we do a fresh cycle. 

Decisions...Decisions...  What would you do?

Green Light for FET!

Well progesterone be damned my AF started New Year's Eve.  Half way through the shots!  Not really surprising since my body really likes to do what it wants, when it wants!  I went for my u/s on Jan 2/10.  There was 2 small cysts present, I thought for sure they were going to say nope, we'll wait another month.  But they said everything looks good, the cysts will disappear on their own shortly so let's get it going.  I started my estrace on the 3rd, and the tentative transfer date is Jan 21/10.  My SIL's birthday!  Now we wait and see how this all unfolds.

I've caught a nasty head cold again.  I'm trying to suffer through it with no meds, but dang, the head aches kill me!  JD came down with it on New Year's Eve.  And I woke up from a nap on the 2nd with it.  Today is I think the worst day of it, and of course I'm working a 10 1/2 hour day today!  Yippeee!  When I get home at 7:30 tonight I will take a neo and pass out for the night (I hope).

Happy New Year everyone.  I promise I will write a better post when I'm feeling better!

Delayed Again...Frustrated Rant...

Originally my FET was scheduled for about Jan 8, 2010.  Well it's now looking more like the last week in January.  I'm on day 32 and no AF in sight.  I had and u/s this morning.  My lining is 7.5 and I have 4 follies in the 16-20 range.  Sorry, correction they were follicles until the shot 2 weeks ago, now they are cysts.  WTF is with my body.  I'm so down today with all of this shit.  I can't get my period when it's convenient, nope I like 37 - 52 day cycles.  I can't make follies unless I've been injected with shit to kill them.  And all of a sudden my body wants to make it's own decent lining!  Really! 

I'm trying very hard not to get frustrated with all of this.  But some days, I just want to pull out my hair!  Today is a hair pulling day.  I'm ticked off my body never co-operates, no matter what I do.  I'm ticked of the clinic in Toronto hasn't called us to arrange the referral consult.  I'm ticked off I've done nothing but play phone tag with the SG International Liason.  I just feel like I'm on a stationary bike pedaling as fast as fuck and getting no where!

And I just thought of something that made me sick to my stomach....

What if I never get to be a mom!?

We will Survive...

I'm okay...I guess...I'm frustrated...but today I'm dressed, I'm at work, I'm approaching customers with a smile on my face, a fake smile, but to them I look happy, helpful, and like I want to be here.  So I guess I'm making progress.  Which is good.  I still have crying jags here and there.  I don't know if those will ever really go away...

JD and I have decided we are going to go ahead with the FET.  We are going to beg, borrow, and steal (okay not steal) our way to get this finished.  We at least want to be done with this donor and all the FET's so that we can start thinking about and planning "Plan C".  Neither one of us knows what "plan C" really is yet.  Is it another cycle with a new donor, is it adoption, is it deciding to live child free???  We don't know.  Yup...you read right...this week I looked at the Adoption Websites...and yup...I clicked off them really quickly too.  I have nothing against it really.  I just have a really hard time facing the fact the I won't carry my husband's child.  That even though there's is nothing wrong with JD that I can't give him a child of his own. 

I think if this is the way we are going to go I will need sometime to grieve.  I think I'll need some help dealing with that loss of life inside me...  I know carrying a child is only one small 9 month part of being a mother, but it is the part I have dreamed about since I was a little girl playing mother to my cat Misty and my Cabbage Patch Doll Rebecca!

One thing I do know through all of this...  We can survive this.  With the support of our families, and with big sloppy kisses from the 3 musketeers.  We will survive this.  My mantra for the FET is going to be mind over matter.  I'm going to focus only on positive thoughts, this will work, they will thaw, they will be transferred, I will get pregnant.  We will SUCCEED and SURVIVE!

Spin Class can be Dangerous!!!

To try to work off some of our aggression JD and I have been hitting the gym pretty hard.  We've wanted to try a spin class for awhile, and last night we were home in time to make it.  Yahh!  Off we go to the gym, we were there 15 min early so we got our bikes set and started peddling slowly to get ready.  Okay 15 min in...a little puke came up...  Yup spin class is a killer!  But we kept going...  30 min in, the instructor has us standing up and sitting down every 2 counts.  No problem...okay small problem...  I have no idea how but I pinched the skin on my upper leg.  I let out a little yelp, but I kept going.  It felt like my ass/chooch was on fire!!!  I kept looking down to see if there was blood pooling under me, because it was hurting so bad I thought maybe I sliced my leg open.  Nope no blood!

The class ends.  We made it thru!  Soaking wet with sweat, tired and hungry we head home.  Off to the bath I go, JD to the shower.  I make dinner, we sit and eat...I hurt...and I'm still sweating!  LOL!  Every time I get off the couch I'm wincing.  I finally go to the bathroom to see what I have done...  Look in the mirror, I see nothing.  Bend over and look at my inner thigh!  OMG!  There is a baseball size bruise the colour of night!  Jeepers creepers did I ever pinch myself on the bike.  So ladies the moral of this story...  If you're a little chubby in the bum and thighs be very careful at spin class...  You really don't want to pinch your ass on that seat!  Trust me!!!

I guess it's good that we are going and doing it though, as last night we actually smiled and laughed.  Of course at the expense on my fat bum, but we were laughing none the less! 

Sorry for the pity party yesterday.  Everyday is different right now.  Coming off all the hormones, and the failure.  I'm not going to be myself for awhile.  But we will survive.  We've survived 5 years of infertility hell already.  Yes everyone, I have done acupuncture, so much so that I personally financed her new shop!  I've done DHEA, wheatgrass, organic, no dairy, no red meat, tons of folic acid, greens plus, you name it I've tried it.  My eggs are shit!  I am starting to have menopausal symptoms...with an FSH of 72 are you surprised!  I'm not!  I can't do IUI or timed intercourse.  I have blocked tubes, and a clubbed ovary.  Trust me we have looked at all options of ttc before finally making the move to DE in May.  I know you are all trying to be helpful and supportive and I totally appreciate it, I really do.  But after 5 years...there is really not a lot we haven't tried. 

JD and I talked yesterday, and we are going to do our FET in January.  Neither one of us is expecting the embryos to thaw.  We are trying to arrange an appointment with another clinic here locally that has a great reputation, and my RE does work with them as well.  We aren't going to wait until after the FET to start arranging everything for a new cycle, we are going to get it started sooner rather than later as it can take 4-6 months to get organized.  We are going to do something with our finances I really hoped we wouldn't have to do.  But our situation is what it is.  And we are not ready to give up just yet.  We both really want one more cycle with a different donor, with a clinic that stimulates the shit out of their donors!  So this is where we are today...  We'll see what tomorrow brings.  Much love to anyone who reads my ramblings! 

ks