January 20, 2014

Time for HRT

Well the time has come.  After 16+ months of no periods, it's back.  I'm surprised it took this long.  After Lola I got my period 4 months post partum.  And it came back like a champ every 28 days!  Weird considering I'm POF.  This time it waited until Lucy is 6 1/2 months old.  And until I had completely stopped bf'ing. 
I was tested at 7 months post partum with Lola for my FSH, E2 and progesterone, just to see what my body was doing as it seemed to be all working.  I was getting EWM and having ovulation pains, which in itself is a miracle as I haven't had those since I was 25!  I've been getting the same thing this last month, so I was kind of expecting her to raise her hand again and say "here I am, woman hear me roar!"  But alas this does not get my hopes up.  I have no tubes, there is zero chance of a miracle baby.  And when I had my FSH ran after Lola it was still pretty high at 23.  Lower than it had been (72), but still not in the range you want it to be to have any chance at a normal egg. 
It's a love/hate getting my period.  I have zero chance of having another baby, so why do I need to go through the torture of having my monthly visitor.  And it's not even like it's a normal flow.  It's just enough that you have to wear something everyday for 7 days.  And you feel all hormonal, bloated, and bitchy wanting to eat your weight in chocolate.  (at least I do!) 
Today when I take LolaBean to the Dr to see if she has strep I will piggy back myself an appointment as well.  I don't have a gyn anymore.  My OB/Gyn is mainly an OB, so I need to get referred to a new one.  But I need to get on hormone replacement therapy ASAP.  Plus it is time to book my next bone scan.  All these glorious SHIT that goes along with being POF at a younger age!  Argh!  FUCK ME!
JD and I have had the discussion of having a full hysterectomy.  Since I've already had my tubes removed it isn't a big stretch to have everything out.  And considering I had ovarian cancer cells at the age of 21, (*not from HPV*)  it probably isn't a bad idea getting everything out.  I really don't want to tempt the GODS.   But we have decided we aren't quite ready yet.  I'm only 35!  Gack, did I just say only...Gawd I feel so OLD!  We don't want anymore children...well sort of...  Okay we would do it again and go for 1 more if we had the finances.  But we don't.  But that's why we are waiting on the hysterectomy.  What if our financial situation changes in the next 5 years?   I can't see myself wanting to go through pregnancy again at 40, but I also don't want to completely eliminate any possibility.  So I guess we will just keep doing yearly PAPS, bone scans, HRT, and all the rest to keep me healthy and see how we feel if anything changes.  Who knows what other curve balls this crazy thing called life has in store for us.
*I don't know why I feel the need to explain that it wasn't from HPV?  But anyways I was loaded.  It was everywhere.  All over my cervix.  There was talk of removing the top of my cervix.  But thankfully the LEEP surgery worked, and after many biopsies, I finally came up clear.  What's ironic is we discussed freezing my eggs back then, but didn't as technology wasn't so great then.*
And for those wondering I had my tubes removed prior to my first successful cycle.  We discovered I had hydro tubes.  They would fill with fluid, become infected and spill into the uterus creating a toxic environment for embryos.  This can sometimes be treated with antibiotics, but the best recourse is full removal (not clipping).  So I made the decision and had them removed for my 30th birthday.  Yeahhh Happy Birthday!  But just 4 months later I was pregnant.  We waited 4 months, so we could do a mock cycle to make sure I could build a lining, and to time up with the donor and other couples.  Best and hardest decision I have ever made.  One that still pains my heart today.  But it's not the loss of the tubes, it's the loss of that tiny sliver of hope for a miracle that was NEVER going to happen.  The pathology report on my tubes was atrocious.  They were in horrible shape.  There was no way I was ever going to get pregnant on my own. 

Much Love


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