That's my emotions! I can't seem to get a handle on my moods lately. I guess it is the hormones. Driving into work this morning I started crying, not like one or two tears, but like sobbing. I was just so overcome with sadness about B, Evelyn, Greyson, and all those lost babies that were loved so very much. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard for us infertiles. I mean haven't we struggled enough? I still think about B daily and wish that my body had been able to hold onto it. But it is what it is.
JD and I have been to Babies.R.Us three times in the last couple of weeks. We keep watching and waiting for the deals. Yesterday there was some great deals on playpens with the bassinet attachments and the diaper changer. Did we buy one? Nope! Why? Because we are still way too nervous to even think about bringing anything real baby into the house. I asked JD if he was nervous about buying anything. And he looked at me and said "yes I'm afraid to jinx anything!" I said "me too!" I asked him if he wanted to wait until 20 weeks. He said yes please!
The reality is that we do have to try to buy somethings every pay. We don't really have an income where we can just go out one weekend and spend a couple of grand on decorating a nursery. So the reality of the situation is that when we find deals like we did last night, we should buy it and just put it in the basement until we are ready. Even if something does go wrong at one time a baby is coming into our house. I am renewed with hope.
I think I'm going to call JD right now and have a serious discussion about the awesome crib we saw last night for $200.00. Another post coming soon.