November 9, 2010

2 More Days...

And then we will know one way or another.  Oh my!  I am so scared.  JD is the forever optimist that everything is fine.  Me not so much.  I have no reason to be like this.  I've had no spotting.  I do get cramps, not bad and not all the time, but they are there.  I don't know why I feel like I'm waiting for this to end, but I am.  Arrrggghhhh!  I am so jealous of the fertiles.  They get to not worry about all of this crap.  My sister in law was like "oh you won't need an u/s until like week 16 or so..."  Yah right!  Anyway enough about this.

We had a good weekend this weekend.  My parents came down for a visit.  It was great I hadn't seen my Dad in more than 2 months.  He's been working in Fort Mac (Alberta) doing some contract work for 6 weeks.  It's funny I saw him more before he retired.  He has been doing a lot of contract work since he retired.  He loves it and he loves the money!  But we miss him!  And my parents are snow birds so they are gone for the winter (Nov - May).  The only crappy thing about this weekend is the family drama that started flaring during our transfer is coming to a head right now.

I won't go into full details...  But it is ripping our family apart.  My oldest brother B has now decided he will not be coming to our family Christmas (in 2 wks).  He is not accepting phone calls from anyone in the family.  He's being his usually selfish ass.  And unfortunately my Mom is defending him.  Drives me nuts!  But I can't blame her either he's her son!  And when your kids are sick you still want to help them.  That's why I keep telling her to get to an Al-Anon meeting and learn that her and my Dad's behaviour is just enabling him to continue with his disease.  One he won't admit.  One that JD and I are the only 2 in the family actually think it is to the point of needing rehab.  This is all so hard.

I think I might try and find my own Al-Anon meeting.  Because I feel so guilty for turning my back on him.  But I am doing it for self preservation right now.  I have to worry about this little SweetPea right now, and stress in the first trimester...No...No...  But I want to understand what my role in his recovery can be, and how we can try to get him to wake up and realize he really has a serious problem.  Don't say let him hit rock bottom!  Unfortunately that is where the conflict with my parents comes into play.  They will never let him hit rock bottom. 

Any advice from anyone who has had to deal with a family member who is an alcoholic would be really appreciated.  Please don't be surprised if I delete this entry in the next day or 2. 

Much Love!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you mean about the u/s...those fertiles just don't have CLUE!! Can't wait to see the update on Friday and PRAYING you won't be blindsided. That's soo tough about your family and your bro. My family is going through a crisis too with respect to my 29 year old younger sis' divorce. It's really exposed alot of vulnerabilities in my family as well as my dad and my sister aren't seeing eye to eye right now. SOOO sucks!! I almost want to cancel Christmas on that side too.