I had the consultation with the surgeon yesterday. It was okay. I mean how can you be excited about having your tubes removed. The really tricky part is that there is no evidence from my surgery in 2007 to point to hydro.salpinges. Which I find really odd. But again I'm not a doctor. I have only one tube that fluid actually got thru, slowely but it did and it ballooned. The other tube is down as very sluggish and slightly clubbed at the fallopian tube opening. No evidence of PID or endo. Which is good. But no one has any explaination as to why I have chronic cramping pain. Or why when I do a transfer I have terrible stitch like cramps and if I cough or sneeze I have to hold onto my lower abdomen as the pressure is incredibly painful.
What I'm trying to say is I'm still really confused. It's up to me to have my tubes removed. I've said yes. But I wonder if I am just butchering myself and eliminating any chance of a miracle baby. I know, I know the chances of us concieving the good ol' fashioned way are less than 1% especially considering my FSH and my tube situation. But it's just such a final decision and no Dr. is telling me it is a must. The one benefit of them being gone is I won't have cyst pain anymore. Which has been a big part of my life. I don't know what to do. On one hand I would totally regret it if we carried on doing DE IVF cycles and having failures to turn around and have them removed 1-2 years from now. But on the other...I lose all hope of a miracle.
Nothing about our journey has been easy. At every corner we are forced to make some type of decision. And you are always left wondering was it the right one. No one will go out on the ledge and say DO IT!!! I just wish I had some insight to know which way to turn. Remove or don't, SG Shared cycles or Single Cycle locally...? As the last attempt do you risk it and go for broke or do you play it safe and pay more? I guess I better get back to painting and working out to get my mind off all of this.
To all my blogger's that are cycling right now, I think of you all daily and am hoping and praying you get what you deserve! Much love to all!