March 26, 2010

And the Waiting Conitnues...

It was a good trip.  Clinic is really nice.  Everyone was great.  'Dr. Bob' confirmed the tubes should go.  They aren't doing me any good, they aren't going to get any better, they may get worse.  So I do feel better about my decision.  We have to do a mock drug cycle, and if that goes well we will be accepted (fingers crossed) into the all inclusive shared risk program.  You're probably wondering where the wait game comes in...?  Enter now...  We can't do the mock cycle until the tubes are out.  My hormone levels may change after the surgery.  So now everything is on hold again while I wait for the surgeon to book me in.  I called this morning to ask about a surgery date and was told very briskley "they would call me when they had a date."  In other words fuck off we'll get to you when we feel like it!

Don't misread my upcoming rant...  I love that we have health care.  And that most common procedures are covered.  But I hate, hate, hate the waiting game!!!  This waiting game and protocol crap is what left me in this position in the first gosh darn place. 

I know that one of my lessons in this life is patience.  I am a hyper personality, and have very little patience when it comes to a lot of things.  But I think through out this journey I have been extremely patient.  I haven't snapped on any scheduling nurses, I rarley call to try to speed things up, I sit and stew and wait my turn.  Well I'm tired of being on the bench.  I want to move forward.  I'm tired of watching all the others in the same situation, find a clinic, find an agency, choose a donor, do the mock, do the cycle, and move forward.  Regardless of success...even though we all want success...  Right now though I just want to be able to cycle, with no delays.

With 12 months of testing, waiting and cancellations with my own eggs.  And 10 months to complete 1 donor egg cycle (only transferring 2x), I think I've learned the lesson of patience.  I guess my other lesson to learn in this life is strength; to keep fighting, to keep waiting, to keep hoping and most of all to  keep my faith.  

3 comments:

babyrecipe said...

I hope you get your surgery date soon! That does stink to be told we will call you. Can you get on a cancellation list? I have only snapped at one nurse and I knew I was not going back there so I didn't care, but she truly was rude. The good thing about a Shady45 cycle is that it takes a little over 2 months from start to finish. Pick the donor, start the cycle and transfer... Mine was exactly 2 months and I waited 3 weeks to start my lupron after I picked my donor. Hang in there!

musicmakermomma said...

Argh - so frustrating to. just. wait... But like you said, the health care is good.

I am so glad the doc confirmed that the tubes need to come out. That is a relief when the pros agree. Hoping it works out for you very soon!

Helene said...

The waiting game is one of the worst parts of infertility treatments. It's like once you're diagnosed, you just want to move forward as soon as possible to either fix it or try something new that will work. Having to wait on someone else's schedule sucks..plain and simple. I used to cry to my husband how much it sucked to have to wait until our RE was ready to cycle so we could get pregnant. I hated depending on someone else who was part of the mix, who naturally wouldn't be if we could've gotten pregnant on our own at the time.

Anyway, sorry to turn this into my own rant. Just saying I've been where you are and I know it's difficult.

Hang in there...hope you get your surgery date soon so you can keep on keeping on!

And thank you so much for your kind words yesterday on my blog regarding my daughter. I was so moved by all the lovely comments left by everyone.