That's me. I guess scared isn't really the right word. I don't really know how to communicate all the feelings I'm having right now. I'm having terrible visions of looking my husband in the eyes and telling him that once again my body has failed us. Call it instinct, call it what you want. But I'm certain this is another down ward spiral on our rollercoaster ride of infertility. I have no connection. No feeling that anything good is happening in my body. I have a back ache like my AF is right around the corner. I keep running to the bathroom as I feel like it is right there, just to find more green... Thank you estrace for making me feel like an alien.
I'm not giving up that this is the year for us. I just don't feel anything special about this cycle. And the fact that the transfer happened on my SIL's Birthday just made it feel all that more doomed to me. Don't get me wrong, I love my SIL. But to have something else special already going on, on that day, just gives me the jinx feeling. How perfect I get to be reminded every year of our failed FET transfer when we sing Happy Birthday to my SIL. Yahhh! Life really is quite funny! Har! Har! (very sarcastic laugh).
Thank you all for your well wishes and Maddy for your spell. I really do appreciate them. It makes my heart full to know that there are people out there cheering us on when we can't cheer for ourselves.