November 26, 2009

Dark and Moody...

So how are we doing 2 weeks after our failure???  Are we determined?  Do we feel like positive things are in our future?  Do we feel like working, eating, or doing anything?  No. No. And No...  We are hanging by our fingernails.  We get up everyday because we have responsabilities we have to face.  I eat when I'm reminded to...  We go through the motions... 

I had a breakdown lastnight.  We got the figures on what our FET is going to cost us.  And I sat back and thought, how can I bankrupt us?  How can we lose everything we have worked so hard for, and still possibly end up with nothing.  It's not just the FET, it's the new cycle we were talking about, it's the cycle we just finished, it's the cost that this whole IF journey has already cost us.  1 year ago we were sitting very flush in our finances.  Now not so much.  It's not dire or anything.  It's just that I can't even think about taking the risks we were talking about taking without knowing that we will have a good outcome.  I know, I know there are no guarantees.  But dang it! 

This is why I haven't posted in awhile.  I have nothing cheery, witty, or even interesting to say.  We are in a dark place right now and will probably live here for a little while.  Sorry!  This SUCKS!

1 comment:

freshfreerange said...

Have you tried the clinic in Markham? Can't remember the MD's name but his approach is to use fewer drugs to get fewer eggs but higher quality. Therefore it's a lot less expensive. Friends of mine really liked the clinic.