December 29, 2013


Well I fed Lucy for the last time from the breast his morning.  I fed my last baby.  Sniff sniff.  I cried pretty hard.  Breast feeding and I have had a very love hate relationship.  But it doesn't mean that I haven't loved the fact that me and me alone could calm my baby by just latching her on to my bosom.  And now that she is 6 months old she would caress me ever so sweetly.  I really did love it.  I just hated having to do it in public and I hated always having to wear clothes that enabled me feeding her.  Plus the biggest thing is that I do NOT lose weight breast feeding.  I need a very strict diet with a lot of hard work to lose weight and you can not do that while breast feeding. 
I think I did pretty good though.  I last 6 months as her main source of nutrition.  I went longer with LolaBean but with her she always got 3 bottles a day as well.  So Lucy got a lot more milk than Lola.  JD hugged me this morning as I cried.  I said to him that was my last baby ever.  He said no.  It might not be.  I love his optimism.  But there is no way financially we could ever do another cycle.  We need to move on. 
Some days I am okay with it.  And others I'm not.  I don't enjoy pregnancy as much as some.  But I don't hate it.  And yes the first 6 months are super hard.  But then it just gets more and more fun as they get older.  I don't know.  I would do it again in 2 years, but with the way things are for us right now.  It looks like that would be an impossible want.  So it's point less to get all tied up in knots about something you know you won't be able to do.
And you know.  I never imagined I would be lucky enough to have one baby let alone 2.  I count my blessings every single day.  I won the lottery.  And honestly wanting more just feels selfish.  I wish so much for all of you still in the trenches to find your golden ticket.  I wish for you all to experience all the wonderful, messy, heart warming things I get to experience daily.
My last baby is weaned.  She no longer needs me to nourish her in that way.  I'm proud and happy with myself for doing it.  And I will cherish those memories for the rest of my days.  I'll have to try to remember that for the next 3 days as my tatas are going to kill me.  Lol.  But it was worth every second. 

Much Love and Lots of Warm Wishes.


1 comment:

J o s e y said...

Ugh, assuming all goes well with feeding this baby, I'm already dreading the day he weans and I have to face that he's my last. Such bittersweet feelings. Good for you for making it 6 months, and I hope your engorgement isn't too bad the next few days!