No Running Diaries this week as I kind of sucked last week and only got in 2 runs. But there just might be a reason for my lack of motivation... Post Partum Depression. Is this is it or is it just life stress catching up to me? I seem to be a having anxiety. It came on pretty soon after delivery and has increased in frequency of episodes since. Now let me explain why I don't 100% believe this is PPD...
Okay I had written a large piece explaining everything but I have decided I don't want to share the specifics. Let's just say things are rather precarious with our business' right now. Lots of employee issues. Lots of decisions to be made. Some by choice some being forced. And they are all scary. One option leaves us in a better place stress wise but it may not be fees able to support our family and have staff. So you can understand my anxiety. I'm even having an anxiety attack just thinking about it....
But I have been proactive about this. I spoke with my ob/gyn on Friday about it. He has prescribed me something for the anxiety. It's safe to take while breast feeding. I have started it but I don't feel anymore settled yet and he did tell me it will take 1-2 weeks to kick in.
I know my hormones are probably exasperating this, but I do tend to think that this is 3 years of stress from work just getting to the boiling point. And there have been some issues with JD and I about the work problem that are just getting bigger and bigger. I'm getting madder and madder and my anxiety is building as I don't think he truly understands my point. He needs to realize that he needs to take care of us and let his family take care of themselves. The extra $500 - $800 a month that he 'helps' them out every month is making the difference in us paying our bills on time and in full.... It NEEDS to STOP!!!! He owes them nothing and we are his family we need to be his number 1 priority.
All of this to explain that it is affecting my ability to parent my girls in the way I wish. I'm so tense and stressed that I'm short with them. And with Lucy having reflux and crying most afternoons for hours, I am a ball of knots. Plus with the anxiety attacks coming out of nowhere at times...it's all just too much sometimes.
Okay I have to run...Lucy is wailing yet again...I'll keep you all posted if the medication actually works, or if I pull my hair out from the screaming infant! Lol!