March 14, 2013

Work Frustrations and Life Venting

Argh!  I'm so frustrated right now!  JD has been working for over 5 weeks straight with no day off.  The only option for a day off is for me to work for him and he hasn't let me do that yet.  I've tried every week but he always says no.  We have been training a new employee for the last 4 weeks and his first solo day on counter was supposed to be Sunday.  JD was still going to work (in our other store) but new guy was going to be on counter all on his own.  But no...  Monday comes and new guy doesn't show.  He calls JD and says he blew out his shoulder the night before and is in ER.  They are resetting his shoulder and he'll call us later.  Well the last we heard from new guy was on Tuesday.  He hasn't called or showed up.  He was going to come in on Tuesday but apparently his Mom wouldn't let him drive...  I mean c'mon really?  You're 25 fucking years old!!!!  And it's not like there is not a ton of administrative stuff he can do here to prep him for Sunday.  He doesn't only do physical work when he's here.  So with this lack of contact we are thinking he no longer wants to work here and is too chicken to tell us.  We've had that happen before...!

Really bothers me.  At least have enough respect for us to tell us this job is not suited for you.  It's not as though we are slave drivers by any means.  And we've prepped and prepped this guy for counter.  We offered him more hours if he wanted them.  We are exceptionally flexible for our staff trying to make this as pleasant of a work environment as possible.  I don't understand why we always get the shaft.  JD says even if he calls today he's letting him go.  I however do not love this idea.  I understand it.  But I do not want to start over again.  And I'm tired of being alone.  Alone in the office with no support or help.  Alone at home with no support or help.  I've had 2 breakdowns in the last 5 weeks.  I can't do this for another 6-8 weeks.  It always takes 2 weeks to find a new employee and then training time....Oye Vay!

I had a breakdown yesterday.  It was my day off.  As I had been throwing up the night before, and Lola hasn't been eating since Saturday.  So I was keeping her home with me and her and I were going to run errands and go to my ob appointment.  Well I was trying to get out the door with her, her diaper bag, my purse, a coffee, and a warm bottle.  She started to throw a fit and I just crumpled to the floor and cried with her.  It's so childish I know.  But I'm so tired of living my life like I'm a single parent.  And I'm so tired of being stressed all the time about money, food, work, and everyone's health.  I'm trying very hard to do the best I can, but I feel like I'm failing in every aspect of my life.  

I cook 3 meals a day (all for Lola), JD and I are living on take out, yogurt and oatmeal...  I barely get any real form of exercise and neither does JD.  My house is constantly dusty with dirty floors, and I can't have the cleaning lady every other week as we can't afford it.  I'm trying really hard to get ready for this baby, but I can barely get through a regular day and adding the mountain of work that needs to be done in the basement to start her room is really daunting...  My old dog is having a neck flare again and just looking at her knowing she's in pain because we couldn't afford the surgery kills me.  I'm just stuck...And I have no family support where I am, so I'm alone.  I can't expect a lot from JD as he's working ridiculous hours and there just isn't enough time in a day.  Something has to give and it has to be soon.

I know the world doesn't owe us anything.  And I am super happy with my family.  I just wish this whole work thing could be figured out.  I wish they would hire JD for that job out West.  Or that we could at least find a normal person to hire who actually wants to work so we can at least have one day off a week together.  Is that too much to ask for?  Am I being greedy by asking for this after being given the greatest blessing of all...?  That's the crutch really.  I feel terrible for bitching and moaning because "hey we kicked infertility's ass"!  But does that make me less of an average person?  One that can't get overwhelmed by life's struggles?  One that can't get frustrated with a toddler who is so independent and stubborn it's impossible to get her to do anything she is not ready for?  Argh!!!

JD and I have had non stop struggle the entire time we've been married.  Never in our relationship though.  If anything it has always brought us closer.  But I'm tired of always having to look for my inner strength.  We need a break...  We need things to start going our way soon.  

Okay pity party over.  I'm off to watch another episode of Bre.aking Ba.d!

Much Love!



Brenda said...

Oh No KS, that is terrible! I only have a minute, but I wanted to tell you that you are not alone, I've broken down more that once with my kids and I hope that things settle down soon.


Anonymous said...

AHHHH!!! This sounds awful KS. Vent as often as you like. I really really hope things turn better soon. Is it an option to just sell out and then focus 100% on a new job search? Just a you haven't thought about it all enough. Hang in there girl...thinking of you.