I realized I haven't mentioned my thoughts on DE in quite sometime. And to be honest with you it's because I seem to forget for the most part. It's not something that is constantly in the fore front of my mind. Yes I am still very aware that Lola and I share no DNA, but there are still such similarities between us that it's very easy to forget. She seems to have my personality. She's a fire cracker. She looks a little like JD but not much. She has his slant of the eyes but that's it. She's just Lola. I don't look at her and see her donor, I look at her and I see my miracle. My Lola.
I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that there aren't days where I am still very saddened by our journey. But it doesn't have anything to do with DE. The reason I have sadness is because of the amount of time we lost trying. And the amount of tears, sleepless nights and the financial burden my diagnosis put on us. And the one thing that makes me really sad is that it took us so long to end up at the right clinic and find the right donor for us. I'm not 'old' by some standards, but I'm definitely older than when I had wanted to start having children.
For us the idea of using a donor wasn't even something we really had to discuss. We both really wanted to experience the whole pregnancy thing. The expanding belly, the kicks, the appointments, the cravings, etc... It was something we had both dreamed off. Maybe me more so than my husband. And having DE as an option and the IVF technology available to us is just amazing. We have many family friends that never had children. And not for lack of wanting, but because this technology was not around when they were trying. We are so very fortunate.
One thing I did consider when deciding we were going to go the DE route. Was anonymity. We wanted to be anonymous. Not because of fear or anything. It was more my take on the egg donation. My Angel Donor was giving me a cell. Only a cell. They were not giving me a child. They were giving me the chance at a child yes, but it would be my blood and my body supporting this pregnancy. It was my husband's sperm making the egg into an embryo. This child would be ours and only ours. My donor was giving me hope. And she understood that as she was a mother as well. And in all honesty that is why I chose a donor who was a mother. She knew and understood what she was doing. And that she was just giving us a cell, just as some one donated bone marrow or blood. They are giving someone else hope, life, a chance.
I wanted to post this as I read a lot of blogs. And I've read a couple lately where woman are struggling with the idea that they won't have a genetic child. They are looking towards adoption instead of DE as they feel DE would be 'too weird'. And adoption is a great path, but I just would like to assure you that DE is a wonderful path as well. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank my lucky stars for my child and the one growing in my belly right now.
And in all honesty I'm very happy Lola doesn't have my genes. She could have inherited my POF, or my thyroid disease. And we've also recently discovered that my family has a very rare genetic type of brain cancer that most likely myself or one of my brothers will be affected with in our later years. (no doubt it'll be me, because why the F wouldn't it be) Plus there is a lot of cancer in my family. So we might have just dodged a massive bullet for our children.
So don't shut the door on DE. Ask yourself what it really means to be a parent. Is it just genetics? And what are you most sad about. Is it the thought of not having a Minnie Me, or is it the thought of not getting to experience pregnancy? For me it was the pregnancy. Getting to birth our child. And that experience was the best moment of my life.