November 13, 2012

Loss

My thoughts are with my family over seas right now.  They are saying good bye to sweet baby Riley.  He has been moved to Hospice to 'fade away'.  His condition unfortunately is terminal.  The damage to the brain, liver and kidneys was extensive and he can not live in this condition.  His Mommy and Daddy are making sure that he is very comfortable in his time here.  And are spending every waking moment loving him, holding him and singing to him.  My heart breaks for them at this time.  No ONE should ever have to watch their 13 day old baby 'fade away' in death.  Life is very unfair.  I know God has a plan and I do accept that.  I just wish that it didn't hurt so much at times and that good people didn't need to know or experience infant loss.

Because of what is going on in our family right now, I do not feel appropriate discussing my own fears right now.  I just can't get excited or all drama filled when someone we know and love is experiencing a loss like no other.  When we got the news on Sunday that Riley's condition had deteriorated so much I just held Lola and cried.  I feel so incredibly lucky.  So many things can happen and go wrong with a pregnancy and life.  We have to cherish every second that we have with our loved ones.  

Please hug your babies tonight.  Tell your partners you love them.  Count your many blessings that you do have.  Family, friends, pets, good health, and love.

I leave you with a poem I love...I think it is very appropriate to anyone who has experienced a loss...

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear, 
and whatever is done by only me is you doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows 
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud 
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life, 
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is that wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

By:  E.E. Cummings

2 comments:

Brenda said...

I am so, so sorry for your cousins and for Riley. I am in tears for them. Know that I will keep them in my prayers. Sometimes I forget in the midst of all the drama of raising kids just how very blessed I am.

J o s e y said...

Off my gosh, I'm in absolute sobs right now. I am so, so sorry for what your family is going through.