April 10, 2012

Am I in Hiding?


I haven't posted in almost 2 weeks.  I'm sorry.  I just haven't been in a very good place lately.  Lola has stopped sleeping through the night.  Nothing is wrong with her.  She's not getting up crying or anything.  She just gets up at 2:00, 2:30, and then at 4:30 we can't seem to get her back down.  So I'm tired.

I'm sad.  My old dog is not getting much better.  We took her to the vet last Monday and found out she has slipped a disk in her neck!  Which is actually worse than the slipped disk in her back, as this seems to effect all her legs.  She falls over like those scared goats.  I've had her in a playpen almost everyday since Tuesday.  We are seeing a little bit of improvement but not a whole lot.  The vet said it could take up to 3 weeks to heal.  And we are praying that we keep seeing more improvement.  If not...then...y'know...  And Maddie is my heart.  This month was the first month we didn't do Lola's month photo with Maddie, as Maddie is too fragile to sit with Miss GrabbyHands.  It's all just too sad...

I'm bitter.  This weight is killing me.  I can't freaking shake it as fast as I would like.  I've had non stop injuries for the last 3 weeks hampering my running.  Thus making me feel like a fat little turd.  Meanwhile one of my friends has lost 37 lbs without working out at all.  She is now wearing a size 27 jean.  And I'm happy for her but I also want to punch her!  (not really but y'know)  This stupid thyroid disease makes weight loss so f'in tough.  On top of the fact that I'm an emotional eater.  And as you've seen in the last 2 paragraphs I've been a little bit low lately.  Plus with my old eating disorder, I was a binger purger...So now I'm just a gosh darn binger.  Lovely!  Awesome!  Super Fantastic!

Plus I've had some let downs with my in laws and socially lately.  My in-laws were supposed to babysit last week so I could go out with my girlfriends.  And nope at the last minute it all became too much of an inconvenience.  So I ended up having to cancel out again.  I have a hard enough time making friends that when I constantly have to cancel out I feel like a gigantic loser.   I ended up going on a 6km walk 3 weeks ago with this woman I reached out to...And if you know me at all you know I am the last person to reach out to someone to befriend them...(Jeez I wonder why I have such a hard time making friends!)  Well I thought we had a good time together.  We walked to the coffee shop, had a drink, fed our babies, then walked home.  Made plans for wings later that week (which I ended up cancelling out on, another story), anyway she said she would call me soon and we would try to have a play date.  No call, no text, nothing.  Then another woman who was in my mommy and me group, but has since returned to work, I messaged her on fb about a month and half ago to see how she was doing, etc... and never got a response.  Well I found out yesterday she has been messaging everyone in our group but me.  Nice!  Super!  Awesome!  Feeling like a gigantic loser over here!

So all in all.  Lately I feel like a tired, sad, fat turd, not likable loser!  Nice place to live!  NOT!  So I sincerely apologize for my lack of blog posts, but I thought I would save all the self pity up for one post!  There you go!

On a positive note!  Even though the Bean isn't sleeping, she still is the most awesome creature in the world.  And she is about the only reason I smile through out the day. 

Much Love!


1 comment:

J.o.s.e.y said...

-Thanks sucks about the sleep. Stella has been pulling the same thing the last couple of nights, and it is ROUGH.
-So sorry about Maddie. :( That's so sad.
-I hear ya on the weight. I have NEVER dropped weight easily, and I have never been a size 27 jean as an adult. I can't even imagine! Fitness and weight loss requires lots of time and dedication on my part (which I just don't really have right now). I also struggled with bulemia, so there's a fine line to walk. I worked out on my lunch break today..ugh...trying to carve out time. Good luck to you as well!
-Sucky about your ILs. I've only gone out a couple of times for a couple of hours both times, and my husband stayed home to watch the baby. I'd really like us BOTH to go out on a date one of these nights too. We shall see. It's hard to find child care you trust (that doesn't break the bank!). Good luck finding a couple good ppl to hang out with. It makes all the difference.