March 27, 2012

And Today I Cried...?!

Why today?  Lola's been going to the sitter for a couple of weeks now, and it is my second week back at work, but today I cried.  I cried hard.  I didn't want to drop her off.  I wanted to keep my baby with me at home and just be with her.  I've been a little low for the last week or two and I think today was just my breaking point.  Here's what's been going on...

You all know the 3 Musketeers!  (see doggie picture on side bar)  Well my baby Lexxie started peeing blood about 4 weeks ago.  We knew right away it was a kidney stone, but we had to go to the vet to see where it was and how bad it was.  $500 later we find that it is a very large stone in her bladder that will definitely require surgery to remove it.  Estimate....$1500 - $1900!  Yowza!  We bit the bullet and did the surgery.  She has been living with a cone on for 10 days now.  And since the surgery she is peeing great, too great.  She now seems to have incontinence.  So this morning her and I went to the vet to get her stitches removed and speak about the bladder issue.  We have new drugs we are going to try for 10 days.  Fingers crossed this works!

Whilst this has been going on I noticed that Maddie (my ol girl) was acting a little different.  Going outside to pee and then just laying down on the grass.  And knowing Maddie, as I do, I know she does not like to get dirty, and laying on the grass after winter is dirty.  Sure enough yesterday she started acting as though she has thrown out her back again.  She has slipped a disk 3-4 times in the last 2 years, and whenever it happens you can actually feel the muscles spasm.  This time there is no muscle spasm!  But she's having trouble walking, she's shaking, and she has that sad dog face that lets you know she is in pain.  We are hoping that it really is just sore muscles, but something inside me is telling me to prepare for the end....  She's still eating...but I don't know...something feels off....

Maddie is my first baby.  I know this is silly to anyone who is not a dog owner, but JD and I bought her when we were engaged, we named her after our first mutual friend, she was my pillow when I cried and cried after my diagnosis, she is my very best friend.  I know animals don't live forever.  And I have tried to prepare myself for this.  But now that I think it's coming soon...I'm heavy hearted...
So today I cried.  I cried because I have to go to stupid work and leave my baby with a sitter.  I cried because I'm afraid my sweet Maddie is going to pass and I won't be here for her when it happens.  Today was just one of those low days that come along.  But at the end of the day I kissed my sweet little girl and tucked her into bed with a full belly in a warm house.  And now I'm going to cuddle on my couch with my best friend Maddie.  Tonight I'm going to savour what I have right now.

Much Love!


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