November 29, 2011

Odd Man Out...

That's me!  I am the odd man out.  I blend in...I look like I belong but I don't...  At least that's how I feel.  I really have been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and do the things that I feel are important for Lola and I.  And I thought the more I went and did the more comfortable I would feel there, but I don't...  Still...After 4 months...I still feel like the dork sitting at the end of the table talking to myself.  And that's exactly how it was this past Monday at my Mommy N Me lunch.  I would describe myself as shy...(funny as that's not how anyone who knows me would describe me) but it takes awhile for me to really feel comfortable to be ME with people.  And IF has made me even more closed mouthed, I think. 

I especially don't fit in with my Mommy N Me Monday group.  They are all very fertile, cloth diaper, spinach juice drinking, clickie moms.  And I'm infertile, disposable diaper, Dt. Coke drinking, vegetable avoiding, DE Mom.  WTF do we have to talk about???????  And on top of this Lola is the oldest by 2 months in the group, so we are at completely different stages baby wise.  And I checked with the woman who starts the group before I joined, if Lola would be too old for the group, she was like NOOOO  no issue at all, there will be babies there in her age group.  Yah well first class they are all like oh he's 1 week old, she's 4 days old...que Lola gibber jabbering 3 month old!  Oy Vay!  But even with all that you would think that after meeting every Monday for 3+ months, someone would take a little bit of interest in me.  Nope...  When they talk to me it's as though they are going out of their way to speak to me out of pity.  Pity because nobody else will talk to me.  And I try to participate...  And dammit I am a very nice person.  Well I like me at least!  LOL!

Then there's the gym.  My old stomping ground.  There I used to fit...  Not anymore...  Now I'm the fat, huffin' puffin' muffin top dragon, with steam coming out of the top of her head after doing 10 push ups.  I used to be able to do Bars N Plates (1 hour) then an hour spin class.  Now I can barely make it through a full bars n plates doing all the exercises to completion.  Gosh dang it!  My old trainers all still talk to me, but in my Boot camp class...I talk to the teenager and her Dad...

LOSER!!!!!

Tomorrow is my Wednesday Mommy n Me group.  Which I do like and I do sort of feel like I fit.  Well kind of...I'm the new girl...The rest have known each other for quite awhile.  And I'm the new addition for the last 2 months.  But there they know my IF background.  There they are interested in getting to know me.  The only sucky thing about this group is come end of January this group will no longer meet.  All the other moms are going back to work.  Sigh!  What is an ol bitter IF DE Mommy to do...

I no longer fit in with my IF support group.  I don't fit in with Mommy N Me.  I don't work and don't want to work anymore.  I guess I'm going to have to keep looking and trying new things to see where I fit in anymore.

Okay I'm going to go eat some cookies and go to bed...Sigh...

Much Love!

ks

3 comments:

Michelle D said...

Well at least you are trying new things. I find myself sitting home with our girls and not really worrying about...even though I know I should care. I say next summer when they can walk and it's warm again that we'll go places but we'll see. I admire that you are getting out and trying. It sounds nice but it may not hurt to have a kid friendly group that not all mommy centered (if they exist...I wouldn't know). Anyway sounds like you are rocking though so good work.

Brenda said...

Hi KS, well at least your getting out there and hopefully you will find the right group. I think that you and I would have gotten along reeeaaaly well if we had met each other in a Mommy N Me class! So I have to think that there are more of us out there. Do you have MeetUp in Canada? I'm sure you must....if you haven't heard of it, it is just an online forum where you can put in what you are interested in and it tells you what groups are meeting in the area that have the same interests. The neat thing about MeetUp is that you can advertise groups YOU want to start and put down you preferences. E.g. 'stay at home mom', relaxed mom, mommy and me, etc. So maybe if you start up a group, like-minded people will be delighted to find you! :-D. Hope you find yor nich soon!

LisainSK said...

I just about shot out spinach juice through my nose reading the first part of this blog post...kidding! I like diet coke too!!! Ya...that's why I don't go to those mommy n me groups. I find that they are usually filled with competitive women who's kids are all that more special than your kid...plus they can pop out kids like pez and I don't fit in with them either...and well...I just don't like hanging out with mom groups in general as I feel they'll judge me or something! GAH...soooo wish we lived close together because us muffin tops could work out at the gym together and drink diet coke while our LO's played together. Take care...hope the cookies were extra tasty!