June 30, 2011

The Adventures of a New Mom!

Wow life is different that's for sure!  Different in a fantastic way.  Let me tell you I think I have had every single kind of curve ball thrown at me so far.  Well maybe not ALL of them, but quite a few funny ones for sure.  Where should I start....

Day 1 - Home from Hospital
(actually day 2 as it's 4 am)  I was busy breastfeeding this little finger sucker, JD is sound asleep beside me and I hear this bang.  It sounded to me as though our underground sprinklers had turned on.  Which I know isn't right as JD turned them off as 1 head needs to be replaced. 

I wake JD and say "I think the sprinklers turned on..." 
He barely awake says "no it is just the furnace/ac unit." 
I shrug it off, finish breast feeding and go back to sleep.  I wake at 7 and can still hear something running.  It sounds like water... 
JD is already up with LolaBean, so I come downstairs and say..."babe are you sure the sprinklers aren't running?" 
He says "Yah I looked out the window nothing is wet..." 
I say  "I think you are wrong..."
And I proceed to go outside to the manifold (main control).  And sure enough there is a geyser of water spraying everywhere in between the houses.
One of the clamps blew and we've been spewing water for 3 hours!!!  Holy Crap!!! 
JD tired as balls runs around like a chicken with his head cutoff trying to stop the water.  Suffice it to say Day 2 JD was fixing me some sprinklers!  LOL!

Day 2
We have the Angel Care monitoring system for Little Miss.  It is awesome!  The only thing missing is a 3rd receiver.  I think we are going to try to buy one just so we have a mobile unit for when she is asleep down stairs.  Anyway this system beeps if there is lack of movement (ie: breathing).  We sleep with three small dogs in our bed so there was no chance of Little Miss being invited into our bed (and both JD and I have witnessed co-sleeping headaches, it creates too many issues later on), anyway, JD forgot to turn off the monitor before he picked her up to change her at 2am, and sure enough the things goes off.  Well my 12 year old dog losses her shit and drops off the king bed (3 feet) and slips a disk in her back!  AWESOME!!!  I now have the love of my life original princess in excruciating pain.  I'm hormonal with a crying baby and a dog that can barely walk!  Suffice it to say the next day or two I had no choice but to give my poor old girl some baby aspirin to keep her somewhat mobile.  But be dang sure we ended up at the vet...That was day 4, and I'll get to that day soon!

Day 3
I am on my own today.  Okay I can do this...  Yah I really can do this!!!  It's around 10 and the morning is going great.  LolaBean is feeding great, dogs are adjusting, well somewhat!  I've put all the dogs out to go potty, and I've adjusted everything to the upstairs so LolaBean can be in the bassinet while I try to shower.  Now remember on Day 2 ol'dog bad back...  We have now set up a playpen in our room for the dogs to sleep in, to keep Maddie as still and as calm as possible.  Tonka my male dog is smelling it like he's going to pee on it.  So I say No way Jose!  In you go and toss him into it while I shower.  (there is a brand new shag area rug under the playpen)  I shower, get dressed, yada, yada...Okay it's time to change the beaner and get another feeding into her.  So I start moving the items I need down the stairs.  Including Ol'dog.  I release Tonka from the playpen and he's running down the stairs in front of me.  I'm watching him and thinking to myself...  Jeez his a'hole is really black and big looking..?  {light bulb}  FUCK ME!!!  I drop everything and run to him.  Sure enough he is already up on the couch sitting his black bum on the white throw blankets.  I pick him up and immediately the smell hits me!  He's had a gigantic crap and it is stuck in his bum, and hair.  And because I didn't find it right away it is now smushed!!!  Gosh dang it!!!

So I end up having to delay the beaner her diaper change and feeding 1/2 hour so I can bath and cut the crap out of my dogs arse!  (I almost vomited)  I also had to immediately wash all the blankets from the playpen and couch, and disinfect the couch!  Oh My!  What a gong show this house is... 

FYI - later on that night Ol'dog Maddie did the same thing as she couldn't poop because of her back.  Cue another crying jag for the hormonal mom!

Day 4

Not too exciting other than having to run to the Vet for Maddie and the Dr's for LolaBean.  Lola looks great is gaining weight and eating right.  Maddie on the other hand needed a steroid shot in her back, prednisone and robax for 2 weeks.  My dog was so stoned!!!  Thank Gosh though JD is home with me for 2 days though as getting out of the house is tough.  And we had a very rough night that night.  LolaBean is cluster feeding, which I guess is common with preemies.  It means she wants to feed for 4-6 hours straight!  Yikes!  My (.)(.) were a hurting!!!

Day 5
Another good day.  We went to Mommy and Me class, and that was great.  Really informative!  Unfortunately I haven't been able to make it to another class though. We are still working on this breast feeding thing and getting her on a good steady schedule! (Yah right!)  We also went to a Lion's dinner.  JD is a Lion.  I know, I know aren't those only super old men.   Um no!  It's actually great.  We are super involved in the community this way.  And we have met some amazing people through the Lion's. 

Day 6 - And the Gong Show Continues!

JD had to go back to work.  So I was on my own again.  And the night previously we had kind of a rough night.  More cluster fucks feedings.  And that continues throughout the day.  At this point I had given up on pumping and was solely breast feeding.  I was still supplementing a little bit with formula, but I was really trying to out the formula.  Anyway, at about 4 in the afternoon I finally got her down for a nap.  So I took the opportunity to try to nap myself.  Well 15 minutes later and the fire alarm goes off!  And it is screaming FIRE, FIRE!  I woke up like a shot.  Checked the house, no fire anywhere.  I figured out it was the upstairs alarm that was going off, so up I go onto a stool to try to reset it.  I follow the directions and instead of resetting is starts screaming repeatedly, FIRE, FIRE, FIRE, with the beeping!  Refer back to my dogs that hate the beeping...  One dog wet itself on the stairs, one is hiding behind the bathroom door, and one it took me an hour to find!  So I called JD at work, "What do I do?"  (this system is hard wired).  He tells me to go into the basement and flip the power to the upstairs alarm.  Okay...  Well gosh dang it do you think I could find the switch.  I tried them all.  So back up I go and remove the battery.  It's still beeping and yelling at me!  Back down to the basement I go...  At this point I am sobbing...  I flipped the main power to the house to try to reset the damn thing.  Sure enough with ALL the power off I still hear FIRE, FIRE, FIRE!!!  Are you kidding me?!?!? 

I called JD back and told him through shaking sobs what was going on...  (45 minutes now)  He says well let me call our neighbour.  I adamantly refused to allow him to call our neighbour and see me in this condition.  Oh and did I forget to mention that earlier that afternoon our bathroom toilet had clogged and I couldn't get it unclogged!  So here I sit with exhaustion and tears streaming down my face, dog pee on my stairs, a toilet almost overflowing with well.. y'know.. and a God Damn Fire Alarm that won't shut off.  What is one to do?  Well I'll tell you.  I ripped that fucking thing right off the ceiling!  That's right there are now wires where it once stood.  Ahhh but there is now beautiful silence in my house.

During this I had continued to check on the 'bean'.  And she was fine.  When I came down after I had finally shut it off, she was fast asleep with her tiny hands over her ears!  OMG!  So cute!!  And I really needed that at that moment.

Well folks the adventures have only started I'm sure!  I actually have a few more jewels to tell and share.  I promise I will start posting and commenting again soon.  But alas I must rush off now, this is getting too long and I think dinner is almost ready.

Much Love!



Brenda said...

Oh no! What an eventful few days. I almost cried I was laughing so hard!! I hope you get some rest soon, life with a newborn is so very tiring and stressful! Great job on the b/feeding, btw! Hope the next few days with JD home result in some much needed stress relief for you :)

LisainSK said...

ks...I have tears in my eyes because I am laughing so hard at all your misfortunes! God what a clusterflux...er fuck...indeed!

Scout said...

Sounds both horrible and hilarious! At least you'll have some great stories to tell Lola about her first few days :)