April 22, 2010

Good Intentions...

I have a small salon that I frequent quite a bit.  I'm very much a girlie girl!  I like getting mani(s) and pedi(s), I like being tanned and waxed,  etc...  I have been going to the same place for over 2 years now.  I've become very familiar with all of  the woman there.  My esthetician Addie has become my friend.  Her best friend (D) came back to work there over a year ago, sure enough I became friends with her as well. 

JD and I both get mani(s) and pedi(s), so D used to work on JD and Addie with me.  LOL!!! 

Anyway D moved about 2 months ago to a bigger town 10 minutes North, so I haven't seen her since she left.  But I did see her almost weekly before she moved. 

I was at the salon yesterday having my nails done, chatting with Addie.  She always asks "How am I holding up with all the ttc stuff?"  I swear she's like my therapist.  Anyway I tell her "I'm good, y'know you have a bad day then you have a good week."  I told her how I had a bad Sunday because I found out my mom didn't tell me that both of my (younger) cousins are pregnant, 1 is actually overdue with the baby!  It wasn't a bad day because I found out they were pregnant.   It was a bad day because no one wanted to tell me.  THAT made me feel horrible. 

Do people really think that I can't celebrate in their good news?!  I know my mom thought she was trying to shield me from the painful reminder of our situation,  (especially considering my one cousin...YIKES!)  but still...  It just made me feel even worse about myself. 

Well...............  After I go over it all with Addie, she then sheepishly says well I need to tell you what's going on with D.  I said oh okay is she okay?  She says yes...  She had a baby...  on Sunday...  she didn't want to tell you because it was an accident...  and it's not fair you and JD deserve this...  etc...  etc...

How in the heck did I not know this???  I saw her every week until she was at least 7 months.  There was no baby bump.  JD and I had noticed she gained a little weight but not baby weight!!!  And you think if you see someone every week they would tell you!!! I am flabbergasted!!!

And I feel like a very stupid woman...  I'm embarrassed...  I feel like some kind of a leper...  No one wants to share happy news with me.  Everyone knew, but me.  How did I not see this.  I know that her intentions were to try to protect me, especially considering she had just found out she was pregnant when JD and I were in the middle of all the cancellations with our cycle, but still it would have been better than finding out after she's had the baby.  I certainly don't feel like much of a friend anymore!

I'm at a loss for words right now...  I never wanted to be that girl...  Y'know...  I'm still a wife, daughter, sister, friend, Aunt, I can still share and find pleasure in the unexpected joys of life!  If anything infertility has made me a much more empathetic woman.  A woman who rejoices about any and all pregnancies, because I tell you each and every bloody one is a miracle! 

Feeling rather stupid today....


PS - I had my nails painted black as it is time to be a bad @ss at the gym!  LOL!


Tiffany said...

That stinks! You are NOT that girl, people just don't know how to approach it. They think by hiding stuff from us that it makes it better, but in reality it only makes it worse because you feel that maybe they think you are not strong enough to take the news, and sometimes maybe we aren't, but it doesn't mean things should be hidden. I hated when people walked on egg shells around me or hid things, but I also hated to hear all the details. Just a little curtious announcement with a bit of detail would have been good when she found out. That sucks hun, what now? Did you tell Addie that you wished people didn't keep things from you and that it only makes you feel worse? Or did you just leave it alone?

Eggs said...

Jeeeez... I'm with you on that one - just friggin' say it. It happened to me once, I was the last to know...when really I should have been one of the first...and it just made everything crappy when it should have been a wonderful time for her. I CAN TAKE IT...so can you. She didn't trust that I would take the news and be happy for her, even though it might have stung a little. And I'm not buying this "trying to protect your feelings" business. Its always worse to be the last to know, like everyone's walking around with a secret while you're oblivious. THANKS!! lol

Anyway, I totally hear you - loud and clear sister. I have told everyone just to spit it out - tell me - I'd rather know than not know...and it's always fine!

Hugs xx

babyrecipe said...

There is something to be said about the proper way to tell someone. Tell them privately and give them to process it alone. That sucks. I'm sorry! Yes this is a hard journey, but you are not a leper!