November 11, 2009

Stressing Out

I can't seem to stop crying...  This sucks...  I just feel nothing...  God I was hoping I would have some great symptoms and feel like this worked but I have nothing.  I'm achy but that's from sitting on my ass for the last 6 days.   I feel like I'm going to let everyone down.  It's all on me.  If this doesn't work it's my fault.  It's my body that failed again.  I just wish I was a fertile turtle like everyone else in our lives.  If it all wasn't so expensive I may not feel so much pressure and stress.  But the reality is that it is crazy expensive to attempt a DE cycle.  And we only have this shot and our frosties...  Even our frosties will take us almost another year to save up to do.  This whole journey has been so daunting.

It breaks my heart that I can't easily give this gift to my wonderful husband JD.  He deserves this.  He deserves to be the wonderful father he would be.  He deserves to feel the joy of holding his baby in his arms.  If God is listening, please, please, with all that I am, I pray that you are going to answer our prayers and end our journey with the greatest blessing there is on earth, the miracle of a new life.


Mad Hatter said...

Oh, sweetie! I know it's hard, but try to hang in there. Your body needs as much energy as it can get right now for implantation...Remember to breathe and remember that some women don't experience any symptoms for a long time, if at all. I understand there is so much pressure right now, and you both deserve to have a baby - we all do - and it's so unfair that you've had to work so hard to make it happen. It's so much money and so much stress - I get it. I do. But right now, for you, there is lots and lots of hope, and I would hate to see you imagining the worst and beating yourself up and making yourself upset when what you need is rest and healthy food and calm. When you can't hope anymore, we will all be here hoping for you, okay? Lay your burden down and please be gentle with yourself.

MAJ Bryen said...

I only had very vague symptoms during the 2WW with my BFP. In fact, I attributed most of my aches to my back problem and since I was lying around, I felt everything. Try not to second guess yourself, not every woman has symptoms this early. The irony is for me when I had IVF with my own eggs, I had more symptoms with a BFN than with a BFP! Distracting myself in the 2WW is the best thing you can do to get through it.