November 30, 2009


Boo!  Hiss!  What a bad month you have been to me.  I am very happy that tomorrow is a new month.  One filled with family gatherings, hugs, hot chocolate, snow days, and best of all hope!  Hope for a different year ahead.  Hope for a better, healthier, happier me!  I'm going to focus on all the right things in my life.

I might still ask WHY? every now and again.  I feel entitled to question the purpose of this struggle.  I might feel like it's only me, but it's not.  There are so many woman out there right beside me.  All they've experienced as well is failure...  But not next year.  Next year we taste success!  Next year it's our turn to do baby bump updates, tickers in the corner counting down the days, next year we get to experience joy...  Be happy ladies one more month and we are out of stinky 2009!  C'mon 2010! 

Rah!  Rah!  Sis!  Boom!  Bah!


Okay cheerleading is onto other things...  We are going to do our FET in January.  I am very realistic about doing this and know that the chances of both thawing and sticking are not great.  I've seen the stats.  With this being said, we ARE pushing forward with a consult at another clinic near us about doing a fresh cycle.  JD and I feel like we've waited this long just to have a shot that we can't not try just because of finances.  We don't know how we are going to figure it out, and we will probably be in debt forever...or live in the house we are in for another 10 years...but we would regret not taking the chance and we are not getting any younger.  So that's where we are!

I'm okay today.  I still seem to have moments of sadness and self pity.  Especially since everyone else who cycled in November was successful, except for 1 other who has had a rotten ride too...  But I ate breakfast this morning..(first time since failure)  I actually brought a small lunch...(again first since failure)...I just need to remember to take my vitamins again, drink my water, and keep going to the gym.  Definitely moving forward!


Helene said...

You have such an amazing attitude about everything. I remember how devastating it is to watch all your cycle buddies go on to have successful pregnancies. You're so happy for them but you can't help but wonder when is it gonna be your turn, finally?

Your issues with the finances sound exactly like what my hubby and I went through. 6 years later, we are STILL paying off all those IVF cycles! But you're can't let finances get in the way. We figured we'd go for broke and deal with the money factor later. We may be in debt up to our ears but I would never go back and change anything!

Hoping 2010 is YOUR year!!!

Michelle D said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michelle D said...

Hey...I just found your blog and I hope you don't mind me following. I also have POF and was diagnosed at 27 and I'm 29 now. We are hoping to do a DE IVF cycle in 2010 also. Wishing you the best of luck in January :)
P.S. My POF blog is set to private on my profile but you can find it at if you ever want to connect here :)