July 25, 2009

I'm Trying...

I really am! I'm trying so hard to be positive about this cycle. But I have to admit that I really have a hard time believing that this could work. I think because I've seen nothing but negative pregnancy tests, fertility tests, and hormone levels, that I can't really imagine that it could actually work.


And what makes it really hard for me is that our families and JD are so excited and optimistic that it kills me to think that I just might let everyone down again. On top of this the money! Yowza!!! We definitely can not afford to do this again. We have our own business and we have to count every penny. If we wanted to do it again it is going to take us at least 2 years so save. That would mean no money going into RRSP, no home improvements, no vacation, keeping the offices at bare staff to save money. I don't want to go back to working 7 days a week 52 weeks a year! Done that been there!


AHHHH! And I know I'm not supposed to be stressing. I just can't help it. The closer we get the more my anxiety builds. I know I have to shake this off, and I hope by voicing my concerns that I'm lifting some of the burden I'm feeling. And all I can do at this point is really pray that this time after 4 years of failures (more like 10) my body actually co-operates!!! God do I ever pray!!!

3 comments:

Tiffany said...

I know exactly what you are feeling. It feels as if you are the only failure if it does not work and that you alone are letting everyone else down. I know what it is like to try and NOT get your hopes up because you are afraid that you will fail. I also know what it is like to be dissapointed over and over again. All I can say is that you have a FANTASTIC shot of this working. So why not try and be hopeful and happy because no matter how you feel now or how much you set yourself up the fall will hurt, being pessimistic never made my fall any easier it was always hard. It hurts any way you set yourself up for it. So focus on the positives and keep those spirits up. Worry about the "what ifs" later, which I pray you won't have to. Smile.

Hope C said...

It's so hard, especially during the early stages of the cycle. Hang in there and just take it day by day. I'll be sending you good vibes and lucky thoughts!

Barbara said...

Hang in there girl. We've all got your back. :-)

-Barbara at fairhavenhealth.com