May 25, 2009

Donor Egg Search Begins

That was disappointing weekend! I had my day 2 b/w and u/s. Which the u/s itself was a gong show! I had my b/w done first then went off to the clinic... They sent me to a new clinic they were using. It took 1 1/2 hours to have my u/s done! It was ridiculous! And of course I have 2 very large cysts in my left ovary. 22mm x 24mm with 2 follicles under 10 mm. My right ovary has 3 follicles under 10 mm. So because of the cysts it's not really a great cycle, the Dr. asked us if we wanted to proceed we could but she would recommend taking this month to try birth control pills and get rid of the cysts. We discussed it and because of the fact that we have 5 follicles in play ( I never have that many to play with!!! ) we said lets go for it! Well the tech didn't have my b/w back at the time as she was too busy that morning by herself... But she said okay and sold us the Puregon (3 shots for $1500) and we went on our way. 1 hour later we arrive at the house to have a v/m waiting saying my b/w was no good my E2 is too high I can not start the drugs. And to add insult to injury they won't buy back the drugs from us. What the F#*K!!!!!!! This is a nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from!
JD and I were really upset by the turn of events. Especially when I had to call my mom back and tell her we just went from green light to red light in 60 minutes. This is the worst roller coaster ride anyone can ever be on. I told JD this sucks I've just made my mom cry and my dad is away there is no one there to console her. So he looked at me and said pack a bag we are getting out of here! And away we went, home!!! It was great! We were only there for 1 night, but it was exactly what we needed. A little mom time!
We are back home now, and have made the decision to stop trying to cycle with my eggs. There has been just too many ups and downs in the last 2 years for us to continue on this path any longer. Nothing is going to change. My body just refuses to co-operate. I've done everything I can, I can't force it into working. I've been monitored for 8 months, I've ovulated 1 egg in those 8 months, I haven't had one good month with my b/w yet. There's always multiple cysts, or my fsh is so high that there is nothing, and I don't get an AF. It's enough at this point. I just want my life to start again. I want to be happy again. I want to be hopeful again.
The process of being matched and cycling with a donor is a long process. I won't go into details today. But I will say I feel better now that we have come to this decision together. Better than I did 2 months ago when we first started looking at donor. But you know things do happen for a reason. We pulled out of the cycle, and the next cycle I had my highest test, 100% confirming the diagnosis of POF (up until then it was only high fsh) and 2 weeks after that H1N1 flu epidemic broke out in Mexico and we would have been cycling down there at that time. Who knows if the donor was effected, or if we would have been able to cycle because of the travel ban. So who knows maybe coming back 2 months later this will be a winning cycle. God knows it can't be worse than the cycles we've already had... Funny because we've really had none, but we've been failing for 5 years! Sigh!!!! Well lets see where this new path leads us! From my heart to God's ears I pray that God's plan is to allow us to have a family this way, and that this will be end our childless years!

1 comment:

IVF Girl said...

I'm sorry your road has been so rough to this point. I hope the road with Donor Eggs goes much smoother & quicker. I've had POF since my early 20's, when I wasn't ready to have children, so I skipped the trying part of getting pregnant. I just did my first donor egg cycle a few weeks ago and so far so good. I'm pregnant. I hope it works for you as well. Good luck!