May 14, 2009

Day 3 - Provera

Okay so I didn't realize that this was going to mimic everything that normally happens with a cycle. PMS??? What's that! OMG am I ever a cranky woman!!! And I could pretty much cry at the drop of a hat! The business my husband and I run, of course, is service oriented and I should just not be around people right now. So I am hiding in my back office blogging and checking out others blogs! LOL!!! Best place for me and our business right now. And CRAMPS!!! Did I tell you about the cramps! Why do I have these if nothing is working in there?! I don't understand any of this.
I can't wait for this part to be over. I just want to get to the better baby making drugs. God I pray I make it that far! I hate that any cycle I do is so full of "ifs"... If the u/s is clear, If I react to the drugs, If there are any follicles to retrieve, if they fertilize, if they grow....If, if, if, if!!!!
I have made a decision though that I am going to start researching donor agencies again. I just don't think for my own sanity that I can keep trying these long shots. Especially after last month's fsh reading was so high and the fact that my cycle actually never started last month. I think my visits from auntie Flow now are gone... Sad... I thought I'd be happy, but I also thought I would be 50 - 60 when it finally happened.

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