December 22, 2016

Happy Holidays...my @ss!!!

*Warning ADULT language is used*
This is not going to be a happy happy joy joy post.  This will be a rant...  A WOO is me post.  And I'm sorry if this offends you, but if you tell me it's always darkest before dawn kind of crap I will virtually throat punch you!  Just sayin'!

Where to start...

I've had 3 kidney infections since mid November.

Passed possibly 2-3 kidney stones.

Had 5-6 migraines (lasting upwards to 5 days)

Entire house caught the norovirus - all at separate intervals.  Of course mine came on super sudden while parking the car at dance class.  I had just enough time to open the car door and projectile vomit all over the parking lot.  Classy!!!  Oh and then I had to continue solo parenting the remainder of the day which consisted of returning to dance for a third class after the 2nd ended, after running home to make lunch for the girls, throw up 2x more then hustle RIGHT back to trio practice.  Hubby caught it the next day and it was like he was dying...there was no parenting help from him.  Oh No he slept until noon.  Had soup lunch made for him, and a nice easy on the tummy dinner...Go F yourself man flu bullsh!t

Our minivans power cable for the doors snapped - cost $800 to fix, so we are not doing that... Temporary fix, no power doors = $130.

Had my coop review.  They really liked me.  Really quite a nice review.  However, we do not have a position for you in the budget, so we will be letting you go...oh but you must finish out your contract and work through the holidays....  FAWK ME!!!

I'm a total girl and cried at work after this meeting.  I tried to hide it.  But I think I failed...  :(

Took a day off for a dental appointment, Christmas concert, and scored an interview for that day! And Lola wakes up at 5:30 vomiting.  FAWK ME!!!  Managed to have someone watch her while I went to the interview.  Let's just say it was the most unprofessional interview I have ever been to.  I do not want that job at all!  

Soooo I'm a gigantic loser right now.  I have a black cloud over my head.  I'm questioning the review I was given.  My direct supervisor, says absolutely not, but I feel like a total loser.  I talked to HR about leaving early and he is requiring a letter of intent that I will not honor my contract...  So yeah I'm stuck here until the 30th.

Oh and to top all of this sh!t off.  My dog is dying.  My ol man.  Tonka.  He is 15 years old and he has been declining all year.  We've been preparing ourselves for this, but it looks like it is going to happen within the next few days, and if it doesn't we are going to have to put him down right after Christmas...right at Jordan's birthday.  Fucking timing of everything could not get any fucking better. He has had a couple of rough days lately.  Last night in particular I thought he was going to pass.  He started coughing like dogs do with heart failure.  And when I held him to help him relax and breath, he just has nothing left to him.  He's probably only 3.5 lbs now...  I mean he topped out at 5 lbs.  But there is really nothing left to him.  

Oh and yeah it's Jordan's birthday.  It's his 40th!  AND I have nothing planned.  I am a total piece of crap wife.  I tried to get a party going but it's near impossible.  It falls right in between Christmas and New Year's and I'm working all the way through.  And since all of this shit has transpired in the last 2 weeks, everything I was planning got put on the back burner as it has taken everything in me just to get Christmas close to being ready.  Jordan helps - at times, but really all the Christmas prep falls to me.  All the shopping for the kids, ours and others, teacher gifts, decorations, baking, cooking, sick days, dance classes, gymnastics, dogs, house cleaning, cooking, and I drive 40 hours a week with over 15 hours of driving for my commute.  

HMMMMMMM...  I wonder why I'm stressed?

So yeah...2016 can go FUCK itself just like 2015. 

I hold no preconceived notions regarding 2017 being a better year.  I'm very tuned in to the fact that my life is meant to be a struggle.  A teaching lesson of sorts I guess.  Nothing is ever going to come easy for me.  Marriage, house, kids, school, work...all of it a LOT of hardwork was involved.  And I would never classify myself as a success.  Just with my girls.  That is the only Win!  And let's remember they took 7 years to get too...  

I'm so reminded of a song by Depeche Mode.  Blasphemous Rumors. You can see the link to the song underneath this post.  It's the chorus that resonates with me. 

"I think that God's got a sick sense of humour.  And when I die I expect to find him laughing"

Don't worry about me..I'll pull it out, I just might not be smiling on the inside.  And I can guarantee you the last 2 weeks I've done a LOT of crying in my car.

Peace and Love to you all!
Karen



1 comment:

S said...

Oh, Karen! I felt stressed just reading about all you've been dealing with. Any one of those things -- job search, kidney stones and infections, norovirus, dying elderly pet -- would be hard at the best of times. But to have them all happening at once, and so close to Christmas? Wow. The universe really needs to give you a break.

I hope you are able to find some joy in Christmas in spite of it all and that you are able to rest. Peace be with you.