May 27, 2014

Who Have I Become

My life has taken many twists and turns to bring me to where I am at this point in my life.  None of them I regret.  I made all my own choices.  Some things were not up to me.  Some were.  Looking back though is there any that I would have chosen differently now knowing what I know?  NO!  I look back and think of all those missed moments or errors in judgment and take them in as a learning experience.  But....who did they turn me into?
Well I'm a mommy!  :)
And thank god for that.  Even when I have a horrible week as I am having, they are better than any day not having my two little girls.  And being a mommy...I cook, clean, launder, chauffer, teach, bandage, cuddle, entertain, change, wash and repeat on a daily basis.  And I'm probably missing a few things.  But you get the idea.  This is the main hat I wear in my day to day life.  I am a Mommy.
But there has to be more....?  Is there....?
For the last 10 years, I have worked for my husband.  Customer service rep in a family run business.  (I enjoyed it, and I was good at it because I had a vested interest in the company.)
Before that I was an executive assistant to a president of a marketing/campaign/fundraising company.  And I headed her Auction department of all the black tie galas we hosted (4x year).  I thrived at this job, except the stress and work load beat down on my physical well being.  I ended up with viral meningitis and as a contract employee I had no disability, no maternity, nothing.  And JD and I were arguing so much when I worked there (because of the long hours) we were close to divorce. 
Prior to that job I was working in the field I graduated in.  I was a real estate legal secretary at a small firm in my hometown.  I loved it.  It was 8-4 five days a week.  Paid every week.  With benefits.  In my small little hometown, where everything is 10 minutes away and real estate is reasonable prices.  But...we moved from there to follow JD's Dad's offer of giving us the business. 
I feel like I've floundered here.  I've never found the right job.  I've always just done what was necessary.  Again I have no regrets.  By not focusing on my 'career' I was able to focus all my attention on our fertility struggles.  Researching, learning, find the right RE.  So without those years of ignoring myself and my intellectual needs I was able to fulfill our biggest dream...a family...
But now what....?

-----to be continued----

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am SO struggling with this too... I for sure can't afford to be self-employed as a writer with a baby and possibly two in the future, but I love being a mom and so looking for work that will take me away from that is just not my priority, especially in the summer (who wants to job hunt when you can play with your babe in the park?!). At the same time, if I want to follow a new career path, I have no idea where to start -- do I need to go back to school? Ugh... so stressful. I almost want someone else to decide all these things for me...