November 18, 2010

Ultra Sound #3 Today...

And I am biting my newly manicured nails to their nubs!  I am terrified.  I had a horrible nights sleep last night.  I woke up at 12:30 soaked in sweat.  I was having DBT  (dead baby thoughts).  I know..I know..  STOP THAT!  But as hard as I try I can't shake this feeling of doom.  I can't yet allow myself to be happy for more than a half an hour, without thinking don't get too hopeful, the other shoe can drop at anytime.

Friday night I allowed myself to get positive.  To the point where we almost bought some white onsies.  And then BAM, Saturday morning we are rushing to the Emergency room.  Why can't I at least be a 'normal' pregnant woman.  Why does IF have to ruin this as well?!?!  7 years of struggle and I still get to be an anxiety riddled crazy infertile. 

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Please God let my babies still be with me.  Please God let them have grown and gotten stronger in the last week.  Please God let them be healthy.  Baby A and Baby B we already love you so very much.  Please be strong and fight to stay with us.  We will love you both for all our lives.

3 comments:

HopeBPatient said...

Thinking about you this morning and so wishing for you a good ultrasound showing healthy babies. Take care of yourself especially this morning. We'll be here praying with you.

Jess said...

Praying for you and your littles!!

LisainSK said...

ks...you are SOO normal. I've been beating myself up too that I don't feel excited yet - just full of terror most of the time. So together in lunacy, here we are! LOL...but just so hopeful that Baby A and Baby B are just thriving. Can't wait to hear the update.