September 14, 2010

Turning the Page

I've decided to say p!ss off to my black mood and feeling horrible.  I'm going to just do what pleases me for the rest of this cycle.  I skipped the gym last night as I allowed my funk to control me.  Not today.  I'm going to hit the elliptical today.  Back in action I go!

Tonight we are out for dinner with JD's Aunt and Uncle.  They are heading back to Engl.and tomorrow.  Sad to see them go.  I love Uncle P, and Aunt C.  But Uncle P is a priest and he just has this wonderful, gentle way about him.   I'm really not a church kid.  Not that I don't believe in religion or anything, but I feel very uncomfortable in a church atmosphere.  But if Uncle P was here at a church, I would definitely go.  We haven't shared with them the details of what we are going through as I don't really know how they would feel about it.  I'm very scared to hear anything negative from anybody we love.  And unfortunately Aunt C can be a little close minded.  Also taking into consideration I've had one person ask me "Who would be the mom?"  I kind of shy away from telling some people of the older generation.  Anyway tonight I am going to eat a big steak, a big medium rare steak!  Yummy!  And I'm picking up dessert so you know that will be something totally off the diet plan!  LOL!  Oh well!  Big bike ride tomorrow afternoon and the gym tomorrow night!


I really want this to work.  I pray with everything that I am that we get so freaking lucky that there will be two!  I know I should just pray that this works and that we end up with a healthy bebe.  But man!  Wouldn't it be fantastic if we were soooo lucky to have it work out that we did end up with 2. 

I have been so afraid to put this out there.  For fear that I would jinx myself.  But I just feel like I need to say it out loud.  I really want this to work!  I have never, never rubbed a pregnant woman's belly.  I have never been priviledged enough to feel a baby kick a mommy's tummy.  It's not like I don't know pregnant people.  It's that I'm too fragile that I'm afraid that they will see the want on my face and the tears in my eyes.  I want the belly to rub.  I want to feel a bebe kicking me in the ribs, or dancing on my bladder.  Oh God I want this all so much! 

More thoughts from my random, swirling, antsy head another day!

Much Love!



Anonymous said...

hope you feel better soon! I did get lots of updates along the way and I can't wait to hear yours!

Michelle D said...

Loving this post. Live it up (within reason) and glad you are sounding and feeling better. Love the positivity too and keeping all appendages crossed for you both. Take care.

Mad Hatter said...

Yes! Want it and see it in your mind's eye...Or see twins...This has to be your time, ks! Thinking of you!

Anonymous said...

So nice to meet you KS! Thanks for leaving your comment on my blog. Nice to have another CDN on my list that is going through DE. Good luck!! Oh and I like to hit the gym too...don't worry about skipping last night...I do too when I'm in a funk.