Healing

The surgery wasn't too bad.  They did end up taking both tubes.  The surgeon told JD that he did some cleaning while he was in there, whatever that means.  I cried in the recovery a bit, but after that, I really haven't cried that much.  Having my mom and dad here made a huge difference.  They kept me busy and up.  Anytime my mom saw my eyes start to glaze over with that far away sad look, she would say let's go for a walk.  So it was good they kept me from falling into the depression I was already entering.  They left on Sunday.  I was so tired I slept most of Monday and Tuesday.  Today I was supposed to go into the office to do some paperwork, but I woke up sad and in a little pain, so I think I am going to stay home and enjoy my last day off of work.  The paperwork can just bloody wait. 

My local RE was there for the surgery.  I think during my drug fog I might have gushed and cried to her about how much her and her clinic mean to me.  That's kind of embarrassing.  There are certain players in my life who really keep me going and it's really hard for me to admit how much I need them to be there for me and help me through this.  I hate being emotional in front of Dr's and such.  It's okay at home with JD or my mom but...  Dr. Forman has always been very kind to JD and I.  We are her worst case.  We are the one couple she can't really help conceive, but she has helped us emotionally, and to think about our decisions, and she's played the devil's advocate for us.  Anyway...

Today I am feeling empty.  I'm sad.  I want to stay home and cocoon with my doggies.  I don't feel overly positive about anything right now.  I don't know what will happen next.  I still haven't heard from Shady45.  I don't know that this will every lead to a outcome we want, but I hope that I will no longer have as much pain as before.  Anyway that's where I am.

Thanks for all your wonderful comments fellow bloggers.  You really did help me on the day of the surgery.  I logged on and read them right before I left.  I will snap out of this, I know I will.  Once I get fully back to my life again, I'm sure I'll perk up.  All my best to you all!

Much Love!

ks