Honestly... I don't know what to do with myself. I'm either in a fog or so angry I want to punch, kick, bite, anything to try to release some of this anger. I have had boughts of anger about POF, but nothing like this. I'm just a hot mess that this didn't work. Every where I turn people are posting announcements. 4 announcements in the last week on stalk book. On my support forum, 2 of the other ladies I was cycle buddies with both posted bfp's... I'm happy for them I really am...but it feels like a dagger into my already shattered heart.
Fuck me I can barely make eye contact with my hubby right now. I'm just so ashamed that my body is such a broken down piece of shit at 31! I've told him to leave me. I don't understand why he stays. He's still pretty young, he can find someone new, someone better, someone who can give him what he wants. A family.
Trust me I don't want to be reminded that I have 2 frosties. We have 2...that's it...what are the chances that both will survive the thaw and attach. Slim to shit... I mean c'mon this is JD and I. If we didn't have bad luck, we'd have no fucking luck!
I'm back at work today. And it's AWESOME! I hope you can hear my sarcasm! I really want to do nothing. I want to hide in my house, hug my doggies, and drink my coffee. I know this feeling will fade. I just wish there was some way to numb all this pain. I just wish that the days didn't feel like years.