October 27, 2009

Blue Day...

This cycle has been a lot easier than the last couple of times I've been on estrace.  I really have had very minimal side effects.  A couple of small headaches, some weepiness, and a little bloating, but nothing too extreme.  And I'm not really stressing out that much.  Usually I kind of stress because we never know if we are travelling or not for the cycle until a couple of days before, so I worry about staffing our 2 offices, I worry about getting the dogs to my parents in time (4 hours away), where's our passports, do we have US $, what are we packing, etc...    This time I've barely thought about it.  It's probably because I have already booked so many things to do this week that I don't really have time to focus on the worries.  All in all my spirits have been okay...  Not really negative, not really positive, just too busy to focus on it.

And then I went onto Fa.ce.bo.ok.... 

4 of my friends I went to College with have all just announced they are 3 months pregnant.  Which could have been me if I had been able to complete my August cycle...  I'm very happy for them all, I really am.  I think I'm just sad for us.  I just wonder if there will ever be a day when I get to make an announcement like that.  I can't ignore the fact that for the last 3 months we have tried 4 times to get a good lining so that we could complete our DE cycle.  And FAILED!  How can you feel positive about anything when all you've ever faced is negative.  And not just in the last 4 years, this bad crap with my lady bits has been going on since I was 20!  I don't want to hear well you can try again, because unless we have a major win fall in some way there is no way we can save up another $25,000 to do another DE cycle.  This just SUCKS!

What boggles my mind is where people get the money to do 3, 4, 5, or even 6 DE Cyles! JD and I do okay financially, but there is no way we could save up that kind of money to do back to back cycling like that. Not unless we wanted to be in debt up to our eyeballs for the rest of our lives. And carrying a large debt is really not the way to live when you are in business for yourself. If the business goes, then WTF do you do?!?!?!?

I hate being this way...  Negative, envious, and just downright sad...  Today is a blue day my blogger friends.  We all have them every now and again.  Those blue days come on out of nowhere.  And I think we are entitled to them. 

1 comment:

Mad Hatter said...

Facebook is evil. Yes, you are entitled to be blue. You have absolute permission. Because this...IF...is unfair and it sucks. It sucks that we need to worry about linings and hormones and money and schedules. I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this, that all of us have to go through it. And I am crossing everything that this time the universe lines up for you and you have your wish! Hang in there. You're doing everything right.