Snow Baby is a ....

GIRL!!!!

I can't believe it!  I'm totally shocked!  I thought for sure we were having a boy!  JD has thought girl since before the transfer.  So he wasn't too surprised.  But he did laugh and laugh when he finally found out.  I bought a onsie that says Little Sister and put it and the 3D picture at his place at the dinner table for when he got home from work.  It was nice to surprise him with something!  

I thought I would feel a little sad that we won't have a son, but actually I'm really quite fine.  This will definitely be my last pregnancy.  We will never cycle again.  And I'm totally good with this.  My family feels complete.  We really just wanted Lola to have a sibling.  Someone to grow up with.  We really did not want her to be an only child.  And by God's grace we have been blessed with a second miracle.  Thank God for Science and a great team of Doctor's!  

So now the trouble of picking a name begins.  We have none to date that are stand outs to us.  Thankfully we have quite a bit of time.  And another huge bonus of this one being a girl is that I really don't need to buy anything.  I saved all the super cute fabulous clothes Lola wore!  So it's awesome to know that we only have to spend money on making Lola a toddler room!  I'm so excited!!!!  This all just became super real!

One more major milestone for us to pass is my next OB appointment on Monday.  I will find out all the results from my level II testing.  This is where everything went sideways with Lola with the PAPP-A.  I think everything is looking good though or else he would have mentioned something at my last appointment (I think).  I'll keep you all posted!

I'm off to shop maternity clothes on-line!

Much Love!

ks

Looking Good!!!

We had our NT scan today and everything looks to be as it should.  The nuchal measurement was 1.5 which I know is good.  The heart rate was 150...  Which if you believe in the old wives tale means we just may have a sausage in there.  Lol!  Who knows!  We'll find out for sure in 7 more weeks.  

I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders now!  I didn't sleep a wink last night.  I was having awful visions of having to go for a D&C next week and having to call everyone who knows and tell them it was over.  But Thank the lucky stars.  Everything was just as it should be.

This little critter is quite the active one.  Jumping and waving his/her arms all over the place.  LolaBean was really good during the u/s.  She kept saying Babbee...Bellllleee!  OMG she's just too darn cute!  Okay well I must dash off, it's time to get dinner on the table for Miss Bean!

Lots of Love
ks

A Merry Christmas Indeed!

I hope all my blogger friends had a very Merry Christmas!  I know one in particular was hit with a nasty bug ripping through their house and unfortunately had to put their Christmas on hold for now.  Poor LN10 and family!  We are thinking of you and hoping you all feel better soon!

Our Christmas was really good.  LolaBean is still a bit too little to really get the whole Christmas Santa thing but she was pretty funny just the same.  Every present we opened she exclaimed "WoW" or "Niiiice"!  Lol!  She was  is officially a spoiled little girl!  JD and I actually didn't buy her that much, but her Grandparents and Uncles and Aunts spoiled her rotten.  

One of the funniest thing about Christmas morning is how much our dogs get into it.  Tonka loves to rip open presents.  Whether they are for him or not it makes no difference.  And once he gets going he gets his daughter into it.  At one point he and Lexxie were having a tug of war over a squeaking cow with Lola in the middle wagging her finger at them saying "No, no, no!"  Too funny!  Maddie our old dog doesn't get as into it, other than she knows when there are presents she gets scrambled eggs for breakfast.  So she sits patiently and waits until I start cooking then yells at me the entire time until her bowl is put down.  Yes our house is a zoo!

My family is all spread out so there were phone calls and skype sessions.  We spent the morning here, doing our own thing and in the afternoon we headed to my in laws to do Christmas with them.  Lola was not in her finest in the afternoon.  She hadn't pooped all day and she seemed to be especially tired.  But once she opened her present from Nana and Ahah she entertained herself for over an hour.  They bought her this awesome kitchen.  They got it from a store that was closing so it's a really nice expensive one that she never would have gotten had it not been almost 80% off!  Actually that is why I am able to blog right now!  LOL!  

We are not hitting any Boxing Day sales today.  JD has to work.  And I feel we've spent enough money, and in all honesty we don't need anything.  Plus I'm a little anxious.  Tomorrow is our 12 week NT scan.  I'm praying I have a healthy, live baby in there still or else I have no excuse for having this belly that I already have.  Uh Oh!  Someone made a stinky!  Time to go!

Merry Christmas Everyone!  I wish for all of you a healthy and Happy year to come.  May 2013 be good to you!

Much Love!

ks

First Ultra Sound

We have a heartbeat!  Phew!  I didn't get the count though.  I should have asked more questions but I didn't as my joy was very short lived.  It appears I have a SCH again.  And wouldn't you know it is in the exact same spot as last time.  Right where baby B was...  Frostie is of course where Lola was.  I have had no bleeding.  So I had no idea that I would have this again.  But I didn't have any bleeding until 4 days after my first u/s last time.  So I'm kind of waiting for the bottom to drop out of this....  This sucks...  I should feel happy and relaxed.  But I don't.  I'm sad.  And I feel like I really am waiting for failure to collapse me again.  

Of course the tech says don't worry about it.  It's a small one right now.  Just be careful.  Um yah okay?!?!? 

I was careful last time too.  We weren't having s.e.x., I wasn't going hard working out, I was resting whenever I could.  And I still had a massive bleeding episode and the SCH grew and unfortunately we lost Baby B because of it.  

This time the circumstances are a little different.  I have a toddler.  I have to carry her.  I also have a terrible cough.  I've pulled a rib muscle from coughing.  My uterus cramps constantly from coughing.  I've already been feeling like I have a gigantic bruise in my uterus and now I know why...because I bloody well do!  Crap, crap, crappity crap crap!

Okay enough...   That's all the bitching I am allowing myself on this...okay a little more...g'dangit no sex really!?!?!?  

Frostie baby measured 2 days ahead.  at 6 weeks 5 days when I'm only 6 weeks 4 days today and the u/s was yesterday.  So that is something.  I'm just going to pray that Frostie is as much of a fighter as it's big sister is.  We asked her again yesterday if she wants a baby brother or sister and of course her answer is "No"!  LOL!  

Even if this doesn't work out.  We've already won the lotto my friends.  LolaBean is the best thing in the world.  And we've decided SCH be damned I am going to live my days like I normally would.  Whatever will be will be.

Much Love!

ks

Irritating!

It's been over 2 weeks now and blogger is still acting up.  Apparently I am never signed in.  I can only access a couple of blogs, and I can absolutely not comment on any one's blogs.  Jeepers Creepers tick me off much!

Anyway, the word of the day today on this blog is irritated!  (I am going to whine about some pregnancy things so please don't keep reading if you are not in a place where you can read this!)

Firstly, I am so frustrated with my gigantic gorilla feet.  My cankles are so swollen they fold over on each other.  From morning to night!  They never go down.  It is driving me nuts.  I absolutely can not wait to have my feet back.  I can't even fit into my flip flops anymore, my feet hang over the sides!  By 7 at night I can barely walk.

Secondly, baby girl really needs to move off of this nerve in my rib cage.  It is brutal.  I honestly haven't found one comfortable position to sit in or lay in.  The worst is in the evening hours.  I guess after a long day the nerve is shot and just aches and aches!

Thirdly, this heartburn!  OMG!  Honestly this should be illegal!

Now onto the thankful...

Firstly, I am so happy that I have made it to 36 weeks!  I never imagined that I would make it here.  Only 31 more days to go until my due date.  Now I will admit that I do hope that Little Miss comes a bit earlier.  Just to ease my uncomfortable body!

Secondly,  another good growth u/s, well sort of...  She was totally uncooperative and would not allow the tech to measure her skull.  She has her head buried under my pubic bone.  But without the head measurement they have her weight estimated at about 5lb 3 oz.  So I'm sure she is bigger than that.  And that makes me happy that she is getting bigger.  I also got a quick good glance at her little face and it looks like she is going to have big pouty lips.  Sweet baby girl!

Thirdly, we have gotten all the baby necessities that I believe we need.  I feel accomplished and ready now!  My SIL is going to bring me her breast pump today and show me how to use it.  Yahhh for being ready!

And last but not least.  I am so thankful to have JD by my side through all of this.  When I think back about everything we've gone through to get here, I don't know a lot of couples who would have made it through this unscathed.  He makes me laugh everyday.  He still thinks I'm cute even though I'm the size of a small whale!  And best of all he tries to rub the fluid out of my feet ever night.  God I love him!  And I hope my other IF partners have have someone as wonderful as I do beside them.

I will do a bump picture on Sunday.  Which is my official 36 week day.  Stay tuned (if you can read this)!

Much Love!

ks



Ultrasound Results FINALLY!

I've been quiet as I was waiting for the results from the specialist about our big u/s appointment.  I finally got the results today!  Perfect!  She looks great, growing on target, placenta has good blood flow, umbilical cord is functioning fine, no blood clots, and my 2 main arteries are feeding into the uterus fine!  Yahhhh!  Phew!  I feel like I can breath again!

I hate getting an u/s at the hospital, they never tell you anything, and they are so cold.  We have been sitting here for 5 days worrying.  But thankfully no more!  I guess the only thing left now for the papp a score is me.  I guess this means that I am at a risk for hypertension and pre-e.  We'll just have to watch, and I'll really have to watch my intake of sodium.

Other than that not too much else new here.  I'm busy at work trying to make up for the fact my mind has been somewhere else for 5 days.  LOL! 

Oh and here's the link to the site I ordered that t-shirt from...Infertility T-Shirts and more!

Much Love!

ks

Scared...

I had my OB appointment yesterday.  It turns out not all of my level II blood work came back awesome.  We are in the clear for trisomies, downs and neural tube issues, however my papp a level came back low.  If you are like me your kind of like "okay WTH is that and what does it mean?"  Papp A stands for Pregnancy Associated Plasma Protein and it is a protein made by the syncytiotrophoblast of the placenta to increase its sensitivity to grow.  Women with low blood levels of PAPPA at 8 to 14 weeks of gestation have an increased risk of intrauterine growth restriction, trisomy 21, premature delivery, preeclampsia, and stillbirth.  (my risk for Down's came in at 1 : 4750 and neural was 1 : 7500, so they do not believe the low papp a is an indicator of Trisomy 21 in our case)

Now my OB did not go into extreme detail with us about all of this.  This is information I have been able to find regarding it.  His main concern with my numbers is the risk of high blood pressure (hypertension) and a small baby.  I think he was sugar coating so we wouldn't worry, but there really is no way we are not going to worry. 

I am being sent for a Doppler velocity ultrasound  (sp) which is to check the blood flow to the uterus, umbilical cord and to check the pressure in the womb.  To say we are scared is an understatement.   One little bit of information I have been able to find that has made me feel a little better is that these numbers can be skewed with twins, especially if there is a fetal demise with one twin.  Which we had.  And unfortunately it wasn't vanishing twin so B's sac was still present at the last u/s which can throw off the numbers. 

Sorry this might get downer from here on out...can it really get any worse...?

I just don't understand any of this.  I mean we've struggled for so long.  Then to finally find success and with twins.  Then the horrible day in ER with the SCH and being sent home told that they were both fine...4 days later B is passed away.  Now THIS!!! 

I don't want to lose my baby girl.  I don't want her to be sick or have to struggle.  I just wanted a normal pregnancy, with all the regular pregnancy stuff.  Not all these scares, bleeds, further tests, worry and anxiety.  Just give us a break already...

To my baby girl...  I love you more than myself already.  Please stay with me.  Please be a strong little fighter.  Your Daddy and I want you so bad, and love you so much!  Please, please, please God make this okay?!?!?!?!

Well....

We are having a ..............  GIRL

I am beyond shocked!  I cried during the u/s.  She looks great!  Is measuring 2 days ahead, and looks like she is going to be tall like her daddy!  It was a wonderful day yesterday.

I'm actually going to be quiet this week as we are leaving tomorrow for our 'babymoon'.  LOL!  If you can call it that!  We are actually going to visit my parents in Tucson Arizona for a week.  They are snowbirds now and I haven't seen them since November.  I'm super excited. 

I was actually awarded a blog award yesterday.  Thank you!  I will post more on this next Wednesday with my own nominations.  I hope everyone stays well for the next week.  I know there are a few of my blog friends that are in the 2ww.  Please know I'll be thinking of you and wishing you positive outcomes!  I'll also be saying my prayers for sweet Ainsley who is still fighting her way out of NICU.  And to my friends who have experience loss, please know I carry you in my heart and send you healing light energy.

Much Love!

ks

Quick Update

Everything went great!  Bebe is measuring 1 day ahead.  Spine looks good!  We have great pictures of the little one waving at us.  Bebe was being stubborn though and wouldn't turn for the tech, so our measurements for the Nuchal scan aren't 100%, but y'know what I'm not worried!  At least not today!

It took us over an hour and half to get home tonight, so I'm tired and just looking to veg on the couch right now.  JD is out snow blowing the copious amount of snow we've gotten.  Then maybe a little take out and early to bed tonight!

Lots of Love!

ks

Scan.Day!

Scared, excited, nervous, and hopeful.  I am a mixed bag of emotions today.  Our appointment is at 2:30.  I really wish I had made it for earlier, but I knew that JD would have trouble making it if I made it too early in the day.  I also have to get some blood work done with this u/s so I think we are going to try to be there for 2:00 and get the blood work done first.

Right now I'm feeling very detached.  I'm trying so hard not to get too attached to the idea of being pregnant.  I know it's stupid, because even if it goes bad today I am going to be just as crushed.  But I can't help it.  I'm really having a hard time believing.  It doesn't mean I don't want this, I do, I really do...  I do believe in happy endings.  My support board is full of them.  But I know the heart ache as well.  Jeez!  The 'fertiles' really don't know how easy they have it do they? 

Hopefully I'll be logging on quickly to give you all a good update later today.  Until then....

Much Love!

ks

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Little Bebe...We love you more than words can say.  Please still be with us... 

Scan is Booked!

Thursday afternoon we shall see!  So nervous!  But y'know there is nothing more I can do...I've done everything I possibly can.  It's really out of my hands.  I just have to dig deep and try to continue to have hope!  Ha!  Easier said than done!

Today I am hopefully going to go and finish off a little bit more Christmas shopping.  I have got to get some things for JD.  I know bad, mall walking...but it's gotta be done folks.  And I'm feeling pretty good today.  While at the mall, I plan on picking up a few long cardigans.  I really need some clothes that will hide the belly bulge I've got going on.  It looks as though I've eaten nothing but pizza for the last month.  It's not a Bebe bump yet, just the in between bloat and feeling huge.  Urrrggghh!  I refuse to go to the maternity stores yet.  I can't make myself do it.  Maybe after Scan.day, but not yet.  I almost went yesterday to get the belly band, but chickened out at the last minute.  And boy this morning was I sorry I did that.  5 outfit changes this morning!  JD was laughing pretty good at me!  It's great that we live in the great white North.  It really is sweater time here.  I can definitely hide this from my customers for a good while!

Anyway, enough of me jabbering on.  I better get back to work!  LOL!  Please pray for us that Scan.day is a good day!  I would really appreciate it! 

Much Love!

ks

Breathing Easier Today!

Everything went well today.  Bebe A is measuring 1 day ahead at 8wks6dys.  Heart rate of 165.  So Bebe A is looking good and strong.  SCH is still there.  Healing but still there and still quite large.  Last week it was the same size as the sac, and this week it is a little smaller, of course that is because the sac is bigger this week, but whatever I will take whatever good news we can get!  My awesome tech Victoria advised me I should still take it really easy.  Pelvic rest still.  But I won't need another u/s until the week before Christmas.  Yahhhh!!!  Of course if anything comes up before then I can go in, she'll squeeze me in, but hopefully that will not be necessary. 

One of our blogger friends Lisain at Wanted: One Good Embryo has her first u/s tomorrow.  I just know it is going to be great!  Please know I will be thinking of you tomorrow and praying that everything goes just as it should...Fantastic!

I'll do a better post tomorrow when JD has fixed my computer.  We watched a movie last night through my laptop and now the type face is all messed up!  Annoying!! 

Much Love!

ks

Enough Already!!!

I am so tired of this spotting.  Nothing fresh still, but Jeez!  Give me a break.  I am so tired of wearing my granny panties and cringing anytime I go to the bathroom.  I heard someone describe this spotting as prune juice, and I tell you that is a perfect description.  It's horrible.  There really is no rhyme or reason to it either.  I can sit on my butt all day (Monday) and have very little spotting or I can sit on my butt all day (Tuesday) and spot and goop all day!  Wonderful! 

Tomorrow I venture back to my office for the morning.  I am a little nervous.  I will be standing at a counter for a couple of hours.  The most I've been upright since Thursday afternoon is to have a shower.  But you know what?  I've got to brave the waters again.  I have to try to find my normal again.  It's not going to be what it was 9 weeks ago when I could go to the gym 5 nights a week and work 7 days a week.  And it's not going to be what it was 2 weeks ago when I was blissfully pregnant with 2 miracle Bebes, tired and nauseous, but happy.  It's high time I find this new person I can be and soon.  Because this stressed out worried slug that has been riding this couch has to go away soon. 

Today JD is home with me.   But he's already left me to go to the gym...(ass)  Jealous much?!?!  LOL!  When he gets home we are going to try to venture to the mall for a little shopping therapy.  I need some new lounge clothes.  Since this seems to be what I am living in currently I really need more than 1 pair of lounge pants.  We'll see if I actually get out of the car this time.  We tried Saturday but I changed my mind when we got there and decided I just wanted to go back home and lay down.  We are planning to go out to our favorite local restaurant tonight.  They have a new menu that we are dying to try.

Tomorrow we'll see what is happening in this prune juice full uterus.  Hopefully there is a strong little sweat pea in there with the heartbeat of a lion.  We love you Bebe A.  Please be strong and hang in there. 

Ultra Sound #3 Today...

And I am biting my newly manicured nails to their nubs!  I am terrified.  I had a horrible nights sleep last night.  I woke up at 12:30 soaked in sweat.  I was having DBT  (dead baby thoughts).  I know..I know..  STOP THAT!  But as hard as I try I can't shake this feeling of doom.  I can't yet allow myself to be happy for more than a half an hour, without thinking don't get too hopeful, the other shoe can drop at anytime.

Friday night I allowed myself to get positive.  To the point where we almost bought some white onsies.  And then BAM, Saturday morning we are rushing to the Emergency room.  Why can't I at least be a 'normal' pregnant woman.  Why does IF have to ruin this as well?!?!  7 years of struggle and I still get to be an anxiety riddled crazy infertile. 

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Please God let my babies still be with me.  Please God let them have grown and gotten stronger in the last week.  Please God let them be healthy.  Baby A and Baby B we already love you so very much.  Please be strong and fight to stay with us.  We will love you both for all our lives.

2 Peas In This Pod!!!

Yes!  That's right!  There is 2!!! 

I honestly am in shock!  I didn't go to the appointment yesterday feeling very optimistic.  I don't know why, I am just have a really hard time believing this is all real!  And that my body is actually doing something good!  After all the years of failures and let downs, this just seems to good to be true!  But you know what!?!  I don't care I am going to enjoy every moment of this right now.  I'm going to take it day by day for now.  Of course I'm going to worry, that is a given in for any infertile who finally finds success.

But until I'm told otherwise or that there is something to worry about.  I'm going to do my best to try to relax and enjoy the morning sickness, the crazy hormones, and the raging hunger!  LOL!  I'm going to relish in every moment. 

I will post an u/s picture or 2 soon.  I'm currently posting on my work computer and the scans are on my laptop.  So stay tuned to see the second picture of our little SweetPeas! 

Much Love!

ks

Last Check Today!

I go in a half and hour for my u/s and b/w... So I will find out this afternoon if we are leaving Monday to complete our cycle. I'm not really worried, whatever will be will be! If anything our journey has shown us is that we are not in control of this situation. But I am still hoping for decent E2 levels and a nice thick, fluffy, inviting lining! Fingers crossed!

Good U/S, Bad Bloodwork...

It's always one or the other with us.

My u/s was okay. I'm measuring 7.4 mm. So I'm slowly getting there. I honestly left there thinking they were going to up my dosage of Estrace, so that we could get this going... So off I go to get my b/w done. Thinking good things. La Dee Da Dee Da!

Estridol 1216...! Tad bit high. Lower the dosage and we will re-check again next Friday. Dum Dum Dummmm!

This waiting sucks!!! So today I'm off to have a little shopping therapy! More later on just life in general!

Who's Afraid of an Ultrasound?

That would be me! I have not had 1 good ultrasound yet... Oh sorry I may have had one good one when I was like 16!!! But not while we've been trying to have a baby. There's always, always been multiple cysts, tubes blocked, no follicles, or my lining is too thin when it should be nice, plump, and ready to rock!

In case you didn't pick up on it...my u/s is tomorrow morning. I am terrified that I will be benched yet again. I don't feel like the medication is doing anything. No CM, no hot flashes, a little bit of headache, but I think that's stress more than anything. So unfortunately at this point I am going tomorrow with a negative feeling, which doesn't ever help anything.

I guess it wouldn't be horrible to be benched again... I'm still training an employee to cover Mr. M's old job and I lose another member of my staff at the end of the month because they are going back to University. So maybe I'm looking at this wrong. Maybe being benched for one more month is a blessing. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, the universe is waiting until I am less stressed to allow me a good shot. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.

My Body SUCKS!!!

Today was my lining check. That sucked! My lining hasn't really moved. I was 3.5 on Day 2 now Day 10 I'm 4.5... Dosage has been upped to include Estrace (orally) 4 mg 2x daily. Not bad until...tonight... Now I am having a full AF! WTF! What does this do to the cycle? 2 periods in 10 days! Only me! I can't even thicken up properly for a cycle. For crying out loud!!!

I'm just going to have to wait to see what the Re's have to say tomorrow when they find out. There's nothing I can do (obviously)! No amount of tears is going to make it stop or convince my body to co-operate. What confuses me is that my blood work was good today, it showed I was suppressed, so then why an AF now??? I don't get it!

Hopefully tomorrow my cycle will still be on. Hopefully tomorrow we'll have some answers!