Here Spot! Here SPOT!!!

Blech!

No freaking out though!  It's just been a little bit for the last 2 days.  So of course I'm having *DBT.  Of course!  But I am seriously trying not to freak the frig out.  Because really what would that accomplish?  A whole lot of sweet F all!  But I am a titch bit crankier than usual.  And unfortunately JD is getting the brunt of that.  Also I think he's asking for it.  He's been kind of an ass lately.  I think he too might be a bit stressed out.  He'd like to be here more and help me more, so that I can actually rest with my feet up when the spotting happens, but alas he has to work.  And Lola is demanding.  So I'm just doing what I do.  But when she allows me to I sit with my feet up.  Now if I could just teach her to stop drop bum'ing me into the ribs that would be awesome!

I don't know if I mentioned this or not...but I have pulled a rib muscle from coughing (over a week ago).  It still has not healed.  I am in agony with this.  And I just can't shake this stupid cough.  I've also been incredibly pukey all weekend.  Yesterday I was able to keep down prunes and ice cream (not at the same time. Lol!)  And so far today I have kept down toast and a yogurt drink.  But I did turn awfully green after my yogurt drink.  Blech!

I have contact SG and my local clinic for an ultra sound.  I think they are going to try to get me in tomorrow. I don't know what to expect.  A part of me thinks Frostie is gone.  But the other part of my head says stop worrying it's just the SCH clearing itself up.  It's old blood and it has to go somewhere...  I don't know.  Only time will tell.

I did go swimming on Friday.  And OMG it felt great!  I didn't push it.  I didn't go hard or long.  But it just felt good to stretch my muscles again.  And to get my heart beating again.  Oh I so hope this SCH is healing and I can get back to my normally programmed schedule!  LOL!  I've just finished doing some cyber.monday shopping to hopefully clear up my day on Wednesday so that I can take Lola swimming.  See there is a benefit to being a lazy arse and doing your shopping online!  Teehee!  

(See I'm okay...I'm not stressing out...No...not at all...okay a little)  Lola's at the sitter's today and I was at work for a full 1/2 hour.  Now I'm home drinking water with my feet up.  And of course checking every 1/2 hour for spotting or anything.  I really hope they can get me in for tomorrow.  I really hope everything is fine. Stay tuned...You'll know when I know!

*DBT - Dead baby thoughts

Much Love!

ks

First Ultra Sound

We have a heartbeat!  Phew!  I didn't get the count though.  I should have asked more questions but I didn't as my joy was very short lived.  It appears I have a SCH again.  And wouldn't you know it is in the exact same spot as last time.  Right where baby B was...  Frostie is of course where Lola was.  I have had no bleeding.  So I had no idea that I would have this again.  But I didn't have any bleeding until 4 days after my first u/s last time.  So I'm kind of waiting for the bottom to drop out of this....  This sucks...  I should feel happy and relaxed.  But I don't.  I'm sad.  And I feel like I really am waiting for failure to collapse me again.  

Of course the tech says don't worry about it.  It's a small one right now.  Just be careful.  Um yah okay?!?!? 

I was careful last time too.  We weren't having s.e.x., I wasn't going hard working out, I was resting whenever I could.  And I still had a massive bleeding episode and the SCH grew and unfortunately we lost Baby B because of it.  

This time the circumstances are a little different.  I have a toddler.  I have to carry her.  I also have a terrible cough.  I've pulled a rib muscle from coughing.  My uterus cramps constantly from coughing.  I've already been feeling like I have a gigantic bruise in my uterus and now I know why...because I bloody well do!  Crap, crap, crappity crap crap!

Okay enough...   That's all the bitching I am allowing myself on this...okay a little more...g'dangit no sex really!?!?!?  

Frostie baby measured 2 days ahead.  at 6 weeks 5 days when I'm only 6 weeks 4 days today and the u/s was yesterday.  So that is something.  I'm just going to pray that Frostie is as much of a fighter as it's big sister is.  We asked her again yesterday if she wants a baby brother or sister and of course her answer is "No"!  LOL!  

Even if this doesn't work out.  We've already won the lotto my friends.  LolaBean is the best thing in the world.  And we've decided SCH be damned I am going to live my days like I normally would.  Whatever will be will be.

Much Love!

ks

12 Weeks 5 Days

We are just ticking away here.  I am a little uncomfortable, but I know it's just my body stretching to accommodate the Bebe.  I have had no more spotting to date!  Yahhh!  We are starting to wean off the meds finally.  I was on them longer than most due to the SCH.  We are now down to .5 cc's of PIO and only 2mg 2x daily.  On Sunday we are going to taper back to .5 cc's every other day and drop down to 1mg 2x daily and then hopefully stop everything by week 14. 

Am I getting closer to believing?
Well yes I am.  I've chosen to be positive until I have something to be negative about. 

Am I showing?
Well yes I am...Dang nam it...already!  It's more so because I have been benched from the gym.  And with a thyroid disaster that I am, any time away from the gym means hello weight gain and hello trucker belly.  I'm hiding it though under big sweaters until I feel more comfortable telling people.

Is there weight gain?
See Above!  I wasn't at my ideal weight going into this cycle.  Due to too many years of infertility and comfort food, but I was losing weight at a steady pace.  I am now up 10 lbs.  Which is alright...But I am going to try to make a consciences effort to control the weight gain.  And I am really hoping that I will be allowed to get back on the treadmill soon.  Even if it is just to walk.  I really wanted to try to stay fit throughout this pregnancy, but y'know it is what it is.  I can lose it all again later.

How is sleep?
Not great.  Boo!  I can't get comfortable for the life of me.  I have the body pillow and all, but I still seem to wake up at least 3x per night.  Oh well!

Anyway this is my update for now.  I'll pop another message soon with all of our Christmas plans!  I'm working right up until Christmas, so lots of free computer time!

Much Love!
ks

Breathing Easier Today!

Everything went well today.  Bebe A is measuring 1 day ahead at 8wks6dys.  Heart rate of 165.  So Bebe A is looking good and strong.  SCH is still there.  Healing but still there and still quite large.  Last week it was the same size as the sac, and this week it is a little smaller, of course that is because the sac is bigger this week, but whatever I will take whatever good news we can get!  My awesome tech Victoria advised me I should still take it really easy.  Pelvic rest still.  But I won't need another u/s until the week before Christmas.  Yahhhh!!!  Of course if anything comes up before then I can go in, she'll squeeze me in, but hopefully that will not be necessary. 

One of our blogger friends Lisain at Wanted: One Good Embryo has her first u/s tomorrow.  I just know it is going to be great!  Please know I will be thinking of you tomorrow and praying that everything goes just as it should...Fantastic!

I'll do a better post tomorrow when JD has fixed my computer.  We watched a movie last night through my laptop and now the type face is all messed up!  Annoying!! 

Much Love!

ks

Enough Already!!!

I am so tired of this spotting.  Nothing fresh still, but Jeez!  Give me a break.  I am so tired of wearing my granny panties and cringing anytime I go to the bathroom.  I heard someone describe this spotting as prune juice, and I tell you that is a perfect description.  It's horrible.  There really is no rhyme or reason to it either.  I can sit on my butt all day (Monday) and have very little spotting or I can sit on my butt all day (Tuesday) and spot and goop all day!  Wonderful! 

Tomorrow I venture back to my office for the morning.  I am a little nervous.  I will be standing at a counter for a couple of hours.  The most I've been upright since Thursday afternoon is to have a shower.  But you know what?  I've got to brave the waters again.  I have to try to find my normal again.  It's not going to be what it was 9 weeks ago when I could go to the gym 5 nights a week and work 7 days a week.  And it's not going to be what it was 2 weeks ago when I was blissfully pregnant with 2 miracle Bebes, tired and nauseous, but happy.  It's high time I find this new person I can be and soon.  Because this stressed out worried slug that has been riding this couch has to go away soon. 

Today JD is home with me.   But he's already left me to go to the gym...(ass)  Jealous much?!?!  LOL!  When he gets home we are going to try to venture to the mall for a little shopping therapy.  I need some new lounge clothes.  Since this seems to be what I am living in currently I really need more than 1 pair of lounge pants.  We'll see if I actually get out of the car this time.  We tried Saturday but I changed my mind when we got there and decided I just wanted to go back home and lay down.  We are planning to go out to our favorite local restaurant tonight.  They have a new menu that we are dying to try.

Tomorrow we'll see what is happening in this prune juice full uterus.  Hopefully there is a strong little sweat pea in there with the heartbeat of a lion.  We love you Bebe A.  Please be strong and hang in there.