Oh My Gosh!!!

There really are no words!  Just a nervous happy couple!  I'll post more of an update when I can properly function.  Thank you all for your positive thinking.  I have to ask that you all keep it coming this is still so early.

Much Love!

ks

*Blogger friend asked when I was getting back to the gym?  Tonight!*

Hallucinating..?!?!





Can you see it????  There is a shadow of a line, maybe...  I don't know...  What I do know though is that every time I have taken a test that was negative it was very negative ie: snowy white.  I don't know why it is so much harder to see it here, because on my phone you can clearly see the shadowy beautiful pink line.  This is the test from yesterday, 6dp 5dt.  I tested again this morning and got another shadowy line.  Oh God I hope this isn't a chemical.  Please let this be real. 

I might delete the picture because I am a little embarrassed of my pee stick madness.  But I'm going nuts here in this 2ww.  I really want to get back to the gym but I'm afraid to.  What if I screw anything up?  Oh the stress of the dreaded 2ww!!!  God grant me the strength to make it through this.

Much Love!

ks

Back Home

Transfer was smooth and easy...  Well...  Almost.  We kind of had to argue with the RE to get him to transfer 2.  He is a firm believer in SET.  I know his research supports his view on this.  But...  When you really want 2 babies, you really have to transfer 2 embryos.  Teehee!  There I said it out loud!  We really want this to work.  We will not be able to afford a 2nd full cycle to try for siblings.  So it would be a dream for us to #1 be successful and #2 have twins! 

But y'know we'll take what we can get at this point.  Onto the stats...

2 4bb blastocysts transferred on 10/14/10.

1 blast frozen on 10/15/10.

Positive thinking 10/14/10.

Negative thinking 10/15/10 and ongoing....   :(

I've been having similar cramping to my first failure.  In the same area too, so that is why I feel like this didn't work.  I also have a terrible cough.  I know you can't cough them out or anything but it just doesn't make me feel like this is going to work, at least not this time.  Anyway enough of this...  I'm at work and I really have a lot of work to catch up on.  I will post another update soon.

Much Love!

ks

TRANSFER TIME!!!

Transfer is set for less than 45 minutes.  I just wanted to log on and do a quick post.  We ended up with 4 blasts and the 5th came back to life and is only 1 day behind!!!  :)

We can't believe it!  I'm very excited.  JD is super hopeful.  I am too I just don't want to say it.  And I don't really want to get my hopes up yet.  I've been on the progesterone now for 6 days and I still don't have sore tata's.  I'm bloated, and my arm pit gland is swollen.  So I know what symptoms I want to watch for.  The main one I want to see is the one that freaks most woman out.  I want to see spotting.  I never get a break through bleed when I'm on this much estrogen, so if I get spotting I know it is implantation spotting. 

OMG!  Can you tell I am super excited!  I am typing this sooo fast!!!

I have a lot of other drama going on right now that I will fill you in on in the next couple of posts.  But for now it's all transfer cycle stuff!  Wish me luck ladies!  In the next hour I will be PUPO!!!

Lots of Love!

ks

Off and Running!

Sorry for my delayed update.  We have been so very busy.  With Thanksgiving, working and packing to leave.  It was all too much.  But we are here now waiting for the transfer.  Here is the run down.

5 Eggs (Booo!)

5 Fertilized (Yahh)

4 still going strong on Day 2  (okay)

Transfer is scheduled for Thursday Day 5.

We are on Day 3 embryo growth right now.  We should get another update from our awesome nurse shortly.  I'm expecting to be down to 3 or 2 by today.  I'm also expecting them to say, "let's do the transfer tomorrow."  Not that I want to be a Negative Nelly or anything, but I'm just very used to JD's and my luck.

Today we are off to walk 'The Mall' and see the sights.  I'll do another quick update if the transfer changes.

I know I'm being a bad commenter I'm sorry, but just know I'm thinking of you all.  Some of you are in your 2ww right now, some are mid stims, and some have cancelled their FET's.  We are all in this awful ride together, the ups and the downs.  One day though we will make it out the other side.  I don't know when or how, but I really do believe there has to be a purpose to all of this.

Much Love!

ks

Well That Is A Change!

I just got my second update from my nurse.  Everything looks good with our donor.  ER is scheduled for Saturday.  I asked her "Does it look like we are in on this cycle?  We are the 3rd couple? "  She says "Oh no one told you?  The one couple had to back out!  There are just 2 of you in this cycle!" 

OMG!  Seriously!?  When did the world flip on it's axis and lady luck start smiling on us?!  So it's no more IF we get to go, it's hello, time to pack we ARE going.  Next week I will be PUPO!  OMG! 

I'm in shock right now!  I thought for sure we would get bumped.  I really would have liked to have known this all week.  JD and I have both been complete and utter stress bags.  It's not just the cycle, it's work, it's finances, it's time, it's everything... 

We definitely need this little vacation in Washington.  Okay I can't type anymore I'm bouncing out of my seat.  I'm just sooooo jazzed up right now!  More Saturday when I get an accurate egg count!

Much Love!

ks

Slow Cycle!

Holy Hannah!  I had no idea this cycle was going to drag out like this.  I've been in the throws of this cycle for 5 weeks now!  I've just about had enough of putting meds where the sun don't shine, let me tell you!  I'm so maxed out.  If I've been doing these drugs and loading myself up on estrogen just to get cancelled I will be so upset.  Not like I think this time is the winning ticket.  It's just that this has been the longest drawn out cycle of my life.  I just want to make it to a transfer!

Last check for the donor was on Friday (I found out yesterday).  She had 17 follies developing, she is going in again tomorrow for another check.  They can't say 100% yet but it looks like retrieval will be Saturday or sooner, depending on how tomorrow's u/s goes.  17 follies is good, but we won't really know if we are in this cycle or not until the retrieval is completed.  There might not be 17 mature eggs in those follies, there could be 10 or 30.  You really can't tell.  They would have a better idea by her E2 levels, but they aren't sharing that information with me.  So I have to wait another week.  It's okay though I have a rather busy week ahead of me!

Today - work and triathlon class

Wed - off (1st in 9 days) gym in am, laundry, and manicure in pm

Thurs - work and swim

Fri - work and 3 hour spin class

Sat - work and downtown TO with cousins for Japanese food and window shopping.

Sun - work and Thanksgiving at the In laws

I really hope we are going to Washington next week.  I need a break.  A small break from my daily running raged routine!  Even if we don't go, I might just take 3 days off.  I'm just realizing that this has been my schedule for the last 2 months...  Wow!  We really need to look at our schedules again.

Okay that's it for today!  I'll update more when I know more! 

Much Love!

ks

Donor Starting Stims

I have written 4 separate posts to update on the DE IVF #2, but haven't completed any of them.  So here's what's the what!

Donor (D2) had evaluation on Sept 22 - failed hormone levels were elevated.

D2 continued on Lupron for 2 more days and was rechecked on Sept 24.

Cleared - good to go! 

Message from DE Co said that donor will be starting her stimulation soon.  (?)  They will be checking her again on Friday Oct 1. 

I seem to be getting cryptic information from my DE Co.  Which doesn't really help me.  We have 2 stores to operate and employ.  Our employees also have lives and appointments and such.  I have 1 employee that has a dental surgery booked for Oct 18.  I told him not to cancel it as we should be back by then, but now I'm wondering... 

In other news.  We have our third set of visitors from England here now.  This is the 3rd month straight we have had company.  Life is very busy for JD and I.  We are working 7 days a week, gym 4-5 nights a week, and any free moment spending time with our company.  And JD unfortunately is having a very bad ear issue right now.  He had them flushed yesterday, they need to do it again as it didn't get all of the blockage out, but we woke up this morning to blood on his pillow.  So we are a little worried that something is really wrong.  He said when they flushed them yesterday he had never had it feel like that before.  He was in pain most of the night.  He's going to call the Dr. again today and let them know about the blood.  Hopefully it is nothing.

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One of my support board members has suffered a terrible loss this weekend.  She went into early labour (18wks) and lost her baby boy.  Unfortunately during the delivery of the placenta something went very wrong and she started to lose a lot of blood.  They rushed her to surgery (5hrs) and were forced to do a full hysterectomy.  She ended up in ICU on a vent.  She is now off the vent and back into regular care.  But the loss she has suffered has been felt by our entire board. 

There are 2 other DE Moms who are also struggling right now with very sick babies.  They have all ended up in PICU.  JD and I have lit a lot of candles over the weekend and said a lot of prayers.  My heart is very heavy this week.  It is a very cruel and unusual universe.

Please take the time to hug your little ones.  Tell those you love "You love them", and hug them tight.  You just never know what awaits you at the next corner.

Much Love.

ks

Turning the Page

I've decided to say p!ss off to my black mood and feeling horrible.  I'm going to just do what pleases me for the rest of this cycle.  I skipped the gym last night as I allowed my funk to control me.  Not today.  I'm going to hit the elliptical today.  Back in action I go!

Tonight we are out for dinner with JD's Aunt and Uncle.  They are heading back to Engl.and tomorrow.  Sad to see them go.  I love Uncle P, and Aunt C.  But Uncle P is a priest and he just has this wonderful, gentle way about him.   I'm really not a church kid.  Not that I don't believe in religion or anything, but I feel very uncomfortable in a church atmosphere.  But if Uncle P was here at a church, I would definitely go.  We haven't shared with them the details of what we are going through as I don't really know how they would feel about it.  I'm very scared to hear anything negative from anybody we love.  And unfortunately Aunt C can be a little close minded.  Also taking into consideration I've had one person ask me "Who would be the mom?"  I kind of shy away from telling some people of the older generation.  Anyway tonight I am going to eat a big steak, a big medium rare steak!  Yummy!  And I'm picking up dessert so you know that will be something totally off the diet plan!  LOL!  Oh well!  Big bike ride tomorrow afternoon and the gym tomorrow night!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really want this to work.  I pray with everything that I am that we get so freaking lucky that there will be two!  I know I should just pray that this works and that we end up with a healthy bebe.  But man!  Wouldn't it be fantastic if we were soooo lucky to have it work out that we did end up with 2. 

I have been so afraid to put this out there.  For fear that I would jinx myself.  But I just feel like I need to say it out loud.  I really want this to work!  I have never, never rubbed a pregnant woman's belly.  I have never been priviledged enough to feel a baby kick a mommy's tummy.  It's not like I don't know pregnant people.  It's that I'm too fragile that I'm afraid that they will see the want on my face and the tears in my eyes.  I want the belly to rub.  I want to feel a bebe kicking me in the ribs, or dancing on my bladder.  Oh God I want this all so much! 

More thoughts from my random, swirling, antsy head another day!

Much Love!

ks

Relief...? Where are You?

I have been waiting for the relief from the Lupron pain to begin.  It's not happening.  Apparently I'm just going to feel like a gigantic turd all the way through this cycle.  Well...that just makes me feel all optimistic n shit!  WRONG!!!   I'm feeling like this is all just a sign.  You are not meant to take these drugs.  You are not meant to sustain a pregnancy.  Your body is a gigantic cuckoo!  GIVE IT UP!!!

You know what I say to that...  Nothing...  Cause I'm lying in the fetal position hoping like heck this head ache and torso pain will go away!  I think I might actually have a bronchial problem.  I do not think this is all lurpon causing sickness.  But I really don't want to go to any Dr's office until after this cycle is finished.  I keep saying if by Friday it's not better, then if it's not by Monday, but truly, I have 0 that's right ZERO intentions of going. 

Oh I know!  This is not good for me.  Being on antibiotics would be much better than suffering my way through this.  My head knows this.  But I'm scared.  What if it's not bronchial.  What if it's something worse, much worse?  Then what?  How many more cancellations can I take?  How many times can my body fail me at this exact moment?  Urrrggghhh!  Whatever!  What will be will be.

Okay I'm done grumping!

Last Day of Lupron!

Hooray!  Yippee!  I hope I never have to take this stuff again for at least 1-2 years!  OMG!  I have been in agony.  My PMS back ache was times 100!  I have pretty much been in the fetal position for 4-5 days.  And the headaches....YOWZA!!!  I finally made it to the gym last night.  It hurt but I did it.  I haven't been on my bike though in over a week.  The weather has been terribly unco-operative and I am just now shaking the cough that I've had from being sick.  I'm really hoping for a little sunshine this weekend.  JD and I are still trying to do the bike race next weekend.  And if we don't want to embarrass ourselves we need to get in a couple of rides.

I haven't heard from the clinic yet about the donor.  I've heard from a couple of friends who also went to this clinic that they are very good about updating you every time your donor has an appointment.  I'm sure I'll here in the next week or so.  I expect she's going to start stimming about a week into the rest of us starting estrace.  Us ladies using DE usually need a little bit more time than the average female to build a lining.  Ohhhhh  how I pray that this donor is a rock star producer!  And I pray that JD's little guys are feeling healthy.  I'll post more when I know more.  I'm off to nurse my killing head and finish some paper work that's been calling my name for a week!

Much Love!

Lupron Day 4

Oh Lupron you are kicking my ASS!  I feel terrible!  I'm surprised actually.  I usually never have a reaction to Lupron, but mind you I've always done the Lupron Depot shot.  The daily injections though WOW!  They are hurting me.  I've had a headache for 3 days.  A bad stomach ache for 2.  And I'm feeling really pms'y today.  I guess that is good because they wanted everyone else to have their cycle day 1's today.  They aren't really concerned about mine. {shrug}  I will probably have one though soon.  I'm already 8 days late, and I stopped my HRT today so....  We'll see!  I have my fingers crossed though.  I would like to have an AF before I start the estrace.  Because if I know my body, no doubt if I don't have one I will drop my lining. 

I told JD I would do a prediction post of what I think is going to happen in the next month....

We'll come back from Washington having spent close to $1200 on the trip.  (money we really don't have)  And 4 things will happen.

1. My couch will fall apart finally.  The arm has been leaning to the right now for 6 months, and it looks like it could go any minute.
2. The dishwasher will finally quit.
3. The bearing that has been screaming at us from the dryer will finally seize, the washing machine already doesn't spin.
4. We'll find out we are a bfn.

Why will all this happen?  Because it is the ks & JD show!  And we are a gong show of bad luck with horrible timing!  LOL!  Please note I am laughing as I post my prediction list.  It's not really funny, but to us it is funny, because this is how our entire marriage has gone.   We went to Germany for 2 weeks when things at work were not great, we spent way too much money but had a fantastic trip.  We were home 2 days and our tv blew!  Warranty expired 2 weeks prior!  Love IT!  I went to Vegas when I was unemployed and we were newlyweds.  No money...  Came back and our fridge had quit!  Awesome!

So if past experience has taught me anything...  I better start shopping out at least one new appliance before our trip.  C'est la vie!

Much Love!

ks

The Cycle Begins....

I did my Lup.ron shot this morning.  No Problem!  JD and I were running very late today, so we really had to figure it out and get the shot done and get in the car to speed our butts to work.  I thought I set the alarm last night, but apparently not!  Now I'm sitting here with greasy hair in a ponytail, feeling like I really want to go home and have a shower!  Oh well!

We were out a bit late last night.  JD's Uncle and Aunt are here visiting from England.  Uncle P is the one who married JD and I.  We really love Uncle P and Aunt C.  We haven't seen them in about 5 years, so it was really nice to go and have dinner and a visit with them last night.  Everyone is headed off to Cape Cod this morning for 1 week vacation.  They are driving straight into Hurr.icane Ea.rl!  Apparently it didn't hit North Carolina as badly as was expected, so maybe it won't be too bad.

We played with the twins (of course) while we were there for dinner.  OMG!  I just love those boys!  They are just getting funnier and funnier.  Last night they wanted to dance.  We threw on the Dirty Dancing CD and we all boogied like no tomorrow with them.  The were giggling and screeching their delight at our silliness!  At one point Sam ran up to me threw his arms around my hips and kissed my tummy, then ran away.  My SIL just looks at me and goes "Did I just see that?"  I said yup!  She says "Oh my he loves you so much!" 

Sigh!  They make my heart swell!  Nothing beats the unconditional love my nephews shower me with.  I'm so very lucky that they do love me and enjoy me playing with them.  Being little boys I probably won't be their favorite for very long, but I'll eat it up as long as I can! 

I'm off for now.  I'm very busy at work this weekend.  I'll update more on my cycle when we get into it.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Labour Day weekend!

Much Love,

ks

With the Good, Comes the Bad

Isn't that just the way life seems to be.  Whenever a little bit of good shines down on us it always has to be mirrored with some bad.  I'm not going to share  much on the bad here though.  It's very personal, and it could be very, very, bad.

I will say this...  JD and I have a very big decision to make, and it has to be made soon.  It will change our lives either way we go.  And like all things in life change right now is not a good thing, however, in the end it just might be a blessing in disguise.  Sometimes life is very funny that way.  Maybe 5 years down the road we'll look back and say y'know Thank God everything happened the way it did...  (I don't think so, but I'm really trying to maintain some optimism!) 

Onto the Good!

We are on the schedule!  We are a go!  OMG!  WE ARE A GO!!!!  I start my Lup.ron injections on September 3, tentative transfer date for October 7.  I can't believe it!  I know there are still a ton of obstacles that have to be cleared but dang it, I'm finally on a schedule. 

I have to keep reminding myself that we are the 3rd couple so we very likely could get bumped out of the cycle.  But once you start the ball rolling with Shady45, it will move a lot faster than this limbo land I've been in for the last year.

JD and I are entering into a bike ride on Sept 18.  We are going to do a 40km's (25 miles) ride.  So we are busy training for this in the meantime.  Which is great!  It will keep our minds off of impending cycle and off of our other major stresses.  We are headed out of town for the weekend.  We have loaded the bikes up and are hoping for 2 good rides on the weekend.  My brother is now riding as well.  He's super competitive, so I'm sure he'll want to race JD and I.  I don't care...  I might be slow, but at least I'm doing it!  And I'm doing to be healthier not to become a racer!  Anyway, that's my update for the end of this week.  I hope all my fellow blogger friends have a great weekend! 

Much Love

ks

On The Schedule

Sort of...  I finally got an e-mail from my DE Nurse about when we might be cycling.  Keep in mind we are the third couple so we could very easily get dumped out of the cycle.  But the tentative ER date is set for the first week in October.  Looks like I have a little more than 6 weeks to get myself in good working order. 

JD and I are entering into a bike race (40km).  Race day is Sept 18.  We plan on keeping ourselves busy training for the race.  Well it won't really be a race for us, for us it's going to just be a ride, a big ride, something to accomplish.  I feel as though I haven't accomplished much in the last couple of years, so this is really what I need. 

We are off this morning and we are planning to do a 30km ride this morning.  I better get off the computer and wake JD up so we can get on the road. 

Congrats to Paige on a great second beta! 

Much Love

ks

At a Stand Still!

I feel like we are at a stand still on this cycle.  I have heard from nobody (minus the finance department) about this cycle.  I have no calendar.  I have no idea when we are cycling.  It's kind of driving me nuts.  I check my e-mail on an hourly basis waiting for someone to contact us.  I sent an e-mail to the DE Nurse on Friday to update her about my skin problem.  Never heard anything back...  I don't even know who to contact to try to figure out the calendar.  DE Coordinator or DE Nurse?  I don't know.  I guess I'll just keep on waiting.

I jokingly said to JD the other day "if we end up pregnant with a girl her middle name has to be Patience!"  Don't you think that would be perfect!  Taking into consideration that I have had to wait over a year in between fresh (Ha!) cycles.  I laugh because if you've been following my blog you know my first was not a fresh, it was a gong show!  Right now last year at this time I was on Lupron, and estrogen patches (bad idea) trying to build a lining.  With swollen hands and feet, my world came crashing down on July 31, 2009 when I dropped my minuscule lining.  My donor continued on and we ended up freezing everything, which wasn't an awesome haul in the first place!  Ahhhh memories!  How wonderful!

It seems like everything is on slow down right now.  I wonder if summer had anything to do with it..?   If everyone is having as good of weather as we are this summer, I can totally understand it!  Anyway I'll update about the dermatologists appointment later this week! 

Much Love!

ks

What a Week!

I haven't been updating because I am so tired of journaling bad news!  Since I have picked a donor and I am trying to make myself accomidable to be synced up I started bcp's after my last AF.  I actually had to e-mail the nurse to find out the proper day to start the bcp's, it's been that long since I have taken them.  Anyway, I started them last Sunday and by Monday morning my feet were on fire!  I knew I was having an allergic reaction but I wasn't 100% sure to what.  I mean it's not like I hadn't ever had bcp's before!  So I took my Monday morning pill.  And by mid day my ankles and calves were covered with red fiery bumps.  I won't call them hives because hives tend to go away when you take an allergy pill.  These suckers were not going away!  I e-mailed my local clinic what was going on.  We actually didn't connect with each other until Wednesday, but at this point I hadn't taken a bcp since Monday.  The 'hives' were not going away.  My local RE was worried it was a skin condition that can be brought on by bcp's that is common with an Auto Immune Disease called Ery.thema Nod.osom.  (I would recommend you not google it, it's gross!)  Anyway, it's only on your feet, ankles and the back of you calves, and since this is how I was presenting it was a pretty safe assumption. 

JD and I were supposed to start our vacation on Wednesday for our  Anniversary.  We ended up having to delay it one day so that I could go to the Dr's.  I was freaking out about Shady45 possibly dumping us as I can't even take bcp's without having a complication.  It was awful, and I was itchy and bitchy!  Happy Freaking Anniversary!   Shady45 said not to worry do your HRT and we will have you take provera when we need to sync you in.  Phew!  Fast forward to Thursday....  Dr doesn't believe it is Erythema as the bumps are smaller, is kind of left scratching his head as to what it is.  Wonders if it could be the start of shingles, etc...  Long story short, he orders b/w and chest x-ray, and prescribes super duper I'm in love with you steroid cream!  Blood work comes back great.  And I still haven't gone for the chest x-ray.  Super duper cream dried everything up by Monday for me!  I am now itch free!  Thank God! 

Personally I think I just had an allergic reaction to something in that particular form of bcp.  Which ended up coming out as a prickly heat rash.  I don't really know why it would have only have been on my feet and calves, but whatever, I'm better now.  And I really feel very healthy, so I'm not really that concerned.  I am just trying to reason with myself why I don't have to go for a chest x-ray, or the dermatologist for that matter!  Jeez can you tell I'm just tired of appointments and doctors!? 

There's been more anxiety I'm not even going to bother writing it out.  Let's just say that the weekend I had been waiting for since Christmas, was not as fulfilling as it should have been.  I will fill you in on the fun stuff, but in a later post.  This one is getting a little long!

Much Love!

ks

Donor Selected!

Yes!  That's right!  We finally picked a Donor.  Well it actually wasn't that long but it felt like an eternity to us.  I truly think that deciding on a donor is the hardest part of this whole process.  Okay maybe the 2ww is the worst!  Ever since we made our decision I have been exhausted.  I guess the stress has just chewed me up and spat me out. 

We don't have a timeline on the cycle, yet.  We are supposed to get that this week sometime.  I'm not as excited as our families are, because unfortunately I know that there are a lot of hurdles we still have to get through.  Because we are in a 'Shared Risk' program, we are sharing our donor 3 ways.  We actually got this donor because another couple backed out.  So we are the 3rd couple, which means if she doesn't produce a large # of eggs, we get dropped.  I said to JD I'll be excited when I'm on the table being prepped for transfer! 

Well anyway, we are moving forward, and that alone is the best news I've had in a long time!

Much Love!

ks

Surgery Booked!!!

FINALLY! 

What a disaster!  I finally had enough on Friday and called the surgeon's scheduling nurse again.  This time she actually took the time to take my name and look for my file.  Only to realize my file is missing.  It hasn't been in the rotation to have the surgery booked.  I advised her I had called 2 weeks after my initial appointment and was given the brush off and told to wait until I get a call, and now your telling me 4 weeks later that you don't know where my file is!?!?!  She said she would get back to me by 2:00 that same day, and she would have a surgery date for me. 

I have a feeling they were running around with their tails between their legs!  LOL!  And dang right they should be.  I'm tired of being delayed because my file gets overlooked.

Good to her word she called and I am now booked for May 27.  They couldn't get me in any faster than that as my RE wants to be there during surgery.  Good enough for me!  I can do a month wait on my head!  I'm going to just keep doing what I am doing.  Working out 5 days a week, working 5-7 days a week, and getting the yard ready for summer!  That should keep me occupied...  Oh my gosh!!!  I also need to start looking at donor profiles!  Well looks like I do have things to keep me busy!

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Regarding my last post.  I have talked to Addie about hiding that type of info from me.  She knew D was in the wrong not to have told me.  And she knows I'm stronger than that.  I can handle and have handled quite a bit in my life, telling me about other people's pregnancies isn't going to break me... 

Consult #1 Done

I had the phone consult yesterday with Shady.45...  (JD insists I call them that???  Something to do with Em.inem)  Anyway the consult was with one of the 24 RE's.  I don't know if he will be our Dr. or not.  I think he will be.  I really didn't have a lot of questions as this is a journey I am all too familiar with.  I gave him a quick bio on me and my health.  He was quite taken back that we haven't even had a chemical pregnancy.  He agrees that there might be something else at play hence the failure to implant.  Dr. SaveMe agrees that a miscarriage panel is probably a very good idea; especially considering I have Hashi the likely hood of another immune disease hiding is quite good.  But...from what I was able to inform him about my HSG (Oct 2007) and my laparoscopic surgery (Dec 2007) he believes it could be hydrosplinx.  Which to my understanding is an infection that hides in the fallopian tubes, closes them up, creates clubbing, etc...  And it leads to failure to implant and a common reason for multiple m/c's.  From what I could goo.gle, I believe it can be taken care of with a long strong dose of antibiotics.  

It's not hard to diagnose, but it is difficult to find if you aren't in the habit of looking for it.  So it could very well have been missed.  Dr. SaveMe has asked that I have a 2nd HSG done.  It can take up to 6 months to get an appointment for this here, so I think I will arrange to have his office do it on our day there.  Now we wait for the patient liaison to contact us again and arrange our day of testing, mock transfer, HSG, and in person consult.

I'm not excited, I'm nervous.  What if they don't accept us into the program?  What if we can't figure out the financing?  Then what the fuck do we do!!!  Arrrggghhh!  There's just way too much stress for my  throbbing head to process today.

I have a 'what the fuck' appointment with my RE on Thursday.  She really had nothing to do with either of my cycles.  But I have to see her to try to get the miscarriage panel run here in Ontario where OHIP will cover the cost.  And I need to get 4-6 months worth of birth control pills, or hrt.  I can't handle these hot flashes and ridiculous headaches.  It's like the perimenopause comes back full throttle the second I'm off the estrogen and progesterone.  Sucks!

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Enough about all that.  JD and I are back on our health kick.  We are gearing up our spin classes again, and hitting the elliptical.  No more crappy comfort food.  If we want fast, we can grab a light sub here and there.  We've got to do something to keep our minds of everything while we attempt to get the ball rolling with this new clinic.  Neither one of us is happy with our bodies right now.  Shit luck for me though, as JD can and will drop the weight no problem, but me, not so much.  Last summer I had to work my ass off to shed 10 pounds.  Now I need to shed at least 20+.  Yikes!!!  I think I need to go on Surv.ivor!  LOL!  Oh well!  I'm off to eat my tiny cup of stew!

Much Love to All!